▶ Your Answer :
Both the
television and the telephone are great inventions in the human society.
People’s lives have been changed a lot because of those two innovative machines.
However, I do not agree that the television has influenced our lives more than
the telephone. The telephone affected the family structure, the postal
industry, and the independence of young people while the television could not
have connected people as the telephone has.
To begin with,
the telephone has changed the family structure in that it facilitated the rise
of international marriages. People can easily hear other’s voice by the phone
even if they are in a different country. For example, I had been to the US for
three years, being separated from my boyfriend. I thought living in a different
country for a long time may jeopardize our relationship. However, I could call
my boyfriend whenever I want since I had a telephone. Listening to each other’s
voice, we could not end up breaking up.
Furthermore, the
postal industry has been greatly affected by the telephone. Since people can
call anytime they have something to tell others, there is no need to write a
letter when they have a message. To be specific, since the telephone was
invented, the number of letters sent from house to house has decreased nearly
40 percent in my town. Unless people have some special purposes, they use the
phone to have a conversation with other people.
Additionally,
the telephone helped young people to be more independent. In the past, there
was no way to find the children if their parents lose them. However, parents
have been able to let their children go other places alone because they can now
contact with the children by the phone. For example, in Japan, parents walked
their children to the school until they become ten years old before the
telephone was in use. But children do not need their parents anymore when they
go to school nowadays. Since children can practice to go other places by
themselves when they are young, they can easily learn to be more independent.
In sum, the
telephone has successfully connected people all around the world. As a result,
the international couples increased, letters are less written, and children
became more independent. Therefore, the telephone has had a much greater
influence on people’s lives than the television has.
The
television has had a greater effect on people’s lives than the telephone
has.
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▶ Your Answer :
Both the television and the telephone are great
inventions in the human society. People’s lives have been changed a
lot because of thoese two innovative
machines. However, I do not agree that the television has influenced our
lives more than the telephone. The telephone affected the family structure,
the postal industry, and the independence of young people while the
television could did (consistency and flow issue) not connect have connected people as much (*as much) the
telephone has.
To begin with, the telephone has changed the family
structure in that it facilitated the rise of international marriages.
People can easily hear their loved one’s other’s
voice by through the phone even if
they are in different countries a
different country. For example, I stayed in had
been to (I had been to the US=I had an
experience of going to the US. Thus adding “for three years” to “I had been
to the US” is not natural. ) the US for three years, being separated
from my boyfriend. I thought living in different
countries a different country (be
careful. If you use a singular form can make the whole difference in
meaning and the nuance of what you are trying to say) for a long
time may would jeopardize our
relationship. However, I could call my boyfriend whenever I wanted (tense consistency)
since I had a telephone. Listening to each other’s voices, we could not break up end
up breaking up.
Furthermore, the postal industry has been greatly
affected by the telephone. Since people can call anytime they have
something to tell others, there is no need to write a letter when they
have a message.(inessential) To be
specific, since the telephone was invented, the number of letters sent from
house to house has decreased nearly 40 percent in my town. Unless people
have some special aims purposes, they
use the phone instead so they could to have a conversation with
other people.
Moreover, Additionally,
(Think about the relationship between the two
paragraphs before choosing an appropriate transition to use), the
telephone helped young people to be more independent. In the past, there
was no way to find the children if their parents lost e them.
However, now, parents can have been able to let their children go
to other places alone because they can now
contact with the children by using
the phone. For example, in Japan, parents walked used to walk their children to the school
until they become ten years old before the telephone was available in use. But now children do not need their parents anymore
when they go to school thanks to the invention of
phones. nowadays. Since children can practice to go to other places by themselves when they are
young,(children
are young. That’s why they are called children. Redundant.) they can easily learn to be more independent.
In sum, the telephone has successfully connected people
all around the world. As a result, the international couples increased,
letters were (tense
consistency) are less written less,
and children became more independent. Therefore, I’d
argue that the telephone has had a much greater influence on
people’s lives than the television has.
Well-done! J Keep practicing.
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