▶ Your Answer :
It is commonly often mentioned that it is not good for us to build a shopping center nearby our hometown, and many people are apt to tolerate such a comment to some extent. In my opinion, however, I firmly believe a department store shopping center (department store와 shopping center는 다른 개념입니다! 함부로 혼용해서 쓸 수 없습니다. 이하 계속 마찬가지입니다.) should be constructed (수동태!) adjacent to my hometown. This is because not only can a shopping center affect the local economy in a positive way positively, but also it makes it easy for the local residents us to purchase buy things. To begin with, building a department store can have a great impact on the local economy. This does not mean that I completely ignore the demerits of electinghaving (억지로 단어 찾아서 쓰지 말고 잘 아는, 또 정확한 단어를 쓰세요.) a department store in that it would occur traffic congestion, but it is one of the most powerful types (????) in terms of with respect to stimulating the local economy. Let me bring about my personal experience. Recently, my hometown constructed a tremendous shopping center. When the administer city hall (administer는 동사입니다. city hall이든 무엇이든 다른 적절한 명사를 찾으세요.) announced to build the department store, many people disagreed with the government decision. This is because many people anticipated that it will make a huge traffic-jam. However, their worries did not become true since the authorities regulated the amount of car nearby the department store. Thanks to the department store, my hometown can enjoy the benefits from shopping center by boosting the local economy. This case indicates that people can reap the benefit from building a shopping center. (Shopping center를 지을 때 disadvantage가 생각보다 적다는 겁니까, 아니면 큰 advantage를 얻을 수 있다는 겁니까? 문단의 point를 확실히 하세요.) On top of that, electing having a shopping center can make it convenient for the local people to purchase something. As many people know, building a department store is not necessarily positive in that it can cause of the destruction of local small markets., Nonetheless, the advantages which we can enjoy from constructing a department store are too enormous to deny. Let me give you an example related to my personal experience. When I was 20 years old, a department store was constructed in the vicinity of my house. Before it was made, I had to go to the shopping mall far from my house. This, however, made me comfortable to buy something, and even better, there are were a wide variety of goods. As a result, I was able to buy something with just few steps. This experience demonstrates building a department store can bring innovation to the local people in terms of with respect to shopping. To sum up, it is good for us to build a department store nearby my hometown. This is because it can stimulate (굉장히 어색한 단어) the local economy, and make us (누구? 애매한 대명사입니다.) to buy something with ease. In this regard, I strongly advocate building a shopping center in my hometown. Writing 0-30 scale Fair(17-20) 단어의 선택에 좀 더 신중해야 합니다. 특히 사전적 동의어를 무작정 글의 흐름에 관계없이 아무렇게나 쓸 수는 없습니다. 사전에서 단어의 쓰임새를 찾을 때에는 예문 등을 꼼꼼히 살피세요. 영어는 시제에 민감한 언어입니다. 한 문장 안에 여러 절이 있을 때에는 각 절마다 동사의 시제 사이의 관계가 어떻게 되는지를 잘 살펴보세요. 각 문단의 논리성이 떨어집니다. 본문의 각 문단은 각각 하나의 topic sentence를 핵으로 해서, 그것을 논리적으로 지지하고 발전시켜야 합니다. |