▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that exercising is necessary for younger people than older ones. However, in my opinion, it is really needed for older people. This is because exercising can be the only way of relieving their stress, and they have to exercise for the purpose to avoid their aging and to be healthy. To begin with, only exercise can help older people send out their stress. To explain, younger people can do a lot of things, such as playing computer games or traveling, to get rid of their stress. However, older ones have many restrictions to do what they want, so they have just a few of things to excrete their stress, so exercising can be the only way (방법이 거의 없다 --> 운동이 유일한 방법이다? 논리적으로 직접 관계는 없는 것 같습니다.) for them. Furthermore, having the outlet for stress has a meaning in itself since not only it helps them regain energy, but also find the strength to go on. For example, there was a poll conducted by the Gallup, with American as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about the way they secrete their stress in today's society. The majority of young respondents ranked other things over exercising, but the preponderance of older ones ranked exercising at first. This was mainly because younger ones can relieve their stress with many various devices or activities that older ones almost did not do. On top of that, as older people exercise, they can live longer without suffering. Imagine that they never exercise. Would it be possible to live without painful body? It is highly doubtful. The only key to live healthy would be to work out regularly. For instance, my grandmother rarely exercised because she did not like it to. Inevitably, she gained lots a lot of weights and suffered from her body bad health. So, she decided to work out twice a week. Before long, she got much healthier and have been lived with her healthy body still untill now. To sum up, considering the fact that older people can be healthy both mentally and physically, there seems to be no reason to argue that it is more helpful for young people than older ones. In this regard, I firmly believe that older people can attain more advantages from working out than younger ones. Writing 0-30 scale Fair(22-23) 관사(a/an, the)를 어떤 경우에 어떤 것을 붙이고 어떤 경우에 붙이지 않는지를 확인해보세요. TOEFL Writing은 academic writing skill을 측정하는 시험입니다. 따라서 구어체와 비격식적인 표현을 피하고 정확한 영어를 사용해야 합니다. 주요 주장의 논리성에 의문이 듭니다. “노인에게 운동이 이만큼 좋다“는 본론의 내용과 ”젊은이보다 노인에게 운동이 더욱 좋다“는 결론이 어떻게 연결이 되나요? 불충분합니다.
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