▶ Your Answer : Some people argue that people in the future (문제를 똑바로 하고 갑시다!) will spend more time preparing for food as there they are more interested in well-being . However, in my opinion, people will spend less time preparing food in 20 years for the following reasons. First, the development of techonology would reduce time to prepare food. Second, as there are more competition in society, people will not spend time preparing food. First of all, thanks to the development of technology, especially robots and machines, in the future, life will move faster than ever. When the society was underdeveloped, many people had to spend tremendous amount of time and effort to find receipes recipes and prepare for food that they need. However , as technology has is coming closer and closer to the cutting edge, people today cannot can not (not only A, but B 구문이기 때문에 can과 not은 분리된 단어입니다.) only find various information online to prepare foood, but also machines are likely to prepare food for them. This greatly reduces people's time for preparing for food. For example, a new robot was released to the public. The robot would be used in general households or in restaurants to facilitate preparing food or cleaning up after making food. It was very simple to use this machine as people only had to instruct certain types of food, and the machine would prepare it about the same time as ghumans do. Thus, this development of robots will allow people to do other things in their free time rather than to prepare for food. Second. people will spend less time preparing for food as they need to acquire an out-competing advantage over other candidates in a the job market. What I mean by this is that, as people are living in a competitive society, people want to spend more time to develop oneself by managing their time wisely. Nowadays, people face fierce competition as there are not many job places with too many candidates. Consequently, it has become extremely difficult to find suitable jobs. In order to become a desirable job applicant and find success in career, people need to spend more time by reducing time spent for preparing food. At this moment I would like to talk about my personal experience. As I am a full time student, I do not have much time to spend on studying and also preparing for my job applicants application. Thus, I normally eat outside, to grab a sandwich for lunch in order to effectively use my time and spend more time that would prepare me for the future. Thus, this proves why increasing competition in the future would force people not to prepare much food in the future. In conclusion , I have stated the reasons why people would not spend much time for preparing food in the future. Thus, I fully agree with the statement above. (서론과 본론에 비해 결론이 너무 부실합니다.) Writing 0-30 scale Fair (23-25) 자신의 주장을 지지하는 point를 적절히 선택하고 설명했습니다. 단, 서론과 결론에서 문제(주제)를 확실하게 짚고 넘어갑시다. 문장을 바꾸다가 자칫 뜻이 달라질 수가 있습니다. 고3님이 쓰신 여러 에세이를 계속 보고 있는데, 오타가 너무 많습니다. 본론의 분량이 조금 줄어들어도 좋으니, 반드시 글을 쓰신 뒤 검토할 시간을 남겨두세요. 조금 더 꼼꼼하게 글을 작성하고, 완성한 뒤에는 반드시 다시 읽어보는 시간을 가지세요.
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