▶ Your Answer : Some people argue that watching sports programs for a long time negatively affects (여기서 주어는 watching이죠?) people's lives as it creates conflicts between fans, and thus making (It is better to clarify the relationship/connection between the two sentences, rather than connecting them with a plain ‘and.’) people become morer fierce than ever. However, in my opinion, watching sports programs positively affect people's lives in various ways. First, it is a good way to reduce stress that people gain for their workplaces or studying from work or at school. Second, people can easily meet others of similar interests easily. First of all, people can find emotional relief by watching sports programs for a long time and becoming sports fans, because it is effective in boosting people's moods. Today, many people are weary with too much stress. By watching and being involved in sports, however, they can temporarily forget about problems and gain some breathing space space to breathe. In this respect, watching sports programs, although it is not joining does not mean getting involved in a real sports activity, can be a great means of refreshing people's mind. My personal experience can be used to prove this point. Every morning I have to get up early and get through traffic congestion to go to work. When I arrive at work, I have tremendous amount of documents to read. To make matters worse, I have to cope with my subordinates and my superiors bsses. Hence as a way to relieve my stress, I regularly watch soccer programs on TV the television. This is an effective way of reliving my stress, as I do not have much time to actually play soccer. However, with this short enjoyment I am able to alleviate tension and better prepare myself for the up coming upcoming days. This proves that watching sports programs is beneficial. Second, when people become sports fans, and join clubs, people will meet others of same interest. Nowadays, as we are in a highly scheduled lives, it is very difficult to find friends or meet new people of the same interest. However, by becoming a fan of a sports team than one really likes, they are likely to meet others of the same interest. Moreover, given the need for collaboration, social skills and team spirits are necessary qualifications for any successful person. Clearly, greeting diverse people of the same interest provide people the perfect settings to practice their social skills. For instence instance, by becoming a sports fans, people can develop a sense of belonging and unity, both which may prove to be vital in building a more promising future. For instance, when I went to watch the soccer tournament during the Olympics, I met people who are were also big fans of soccer. I talked to them and we cheered our team to win the tournaments. By doing so, it allowed me to feel as if I am part of a group and I was able to meet new people. In conclusion, the reasons stated above explains why I think watching sports positively effects people's lives. (서론과 본론에 비해 결론이 너무 부실합니다.) Writing 0-30 scale Fair (20-22) 자신의 주장을 지지하는 point를 적절히 선택하고 설명했습니다. 고3님이 쓰신 여러 에세이를 계속 보고 있는데, 오타 및 대소문자 오류가 너무 많습니다. 사소해보이지만 반복되면 감점 요인이 될 수 있습니다. 본론의 분량이 조금 줄어들어도 좋으니, 반드시 글을 쓰신 뒤 검토할 시간을 남겨두세요. 조금 더 꼼꼼하게 글을 작성하고, 완성한 뒤에는 반드시 다시 읽어보는 시간을 가지세요. 영어는 시제에 민감한 언어입니다. 한 문장 안에 여러 절이 있을 때에는 각 절마다 동사의 시제 사이의 관계가 어떻게 되는지를 잘 살펴보세요. 또, 관사(a/an, the)를 어떤 경우에 어떤 것을 붙이고 어떤 경우에 붙이지 않는지를 확인해보세요.
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