Some people contend that it is always better to learn about foreign countries through mass media such as newspapers and magazines. However, , however, in my opinion, I think that people gain more knowledge knowlege and experience through actual visit to different countries despite the burdensome cost which might exist for travelling abroad.
To begin with, materials that are assessed in the mass media may be genuine and may be are edited moderated for specific purposes. There are often mishandling of some issues or exaggeration exagerations in the news of specific culture or groups which may imply a false information to people that are watching the news. For example, some people may misapprehend misapprehand some concepts that they learn through mass media. There may be a significant difference as the public mass media moderates and therefore some people tend to watch videos from foreign countries such as BBC. The reality must be viewed from 무엇?.
Next, it is always different to be in the situation. 구체적으로 직접 가는 '왜' 해당 국가에 대해 더 잘 알게 해주는지를 제시하고 설명해주세요. '상황에 처해보면 다르다'라는 표현은 너무 피상적입니다. For instance, if the news broadcasts earthquake in a foreign country, it may not be as realistic as actually being in that situation. Therefore, although it is useful to have indirect experience through books and television, to really know about the country, it is always better to have direct experiences and this will provide a memorable experience.
In conclusion, people have longer memories when they face exotic experience in the real situation. In this regard, 결론 문단은 본론 내용을 갈무리하는 역할을 합니다. 본론에 없었던 내용을 새로 넣는 것은 부적절합니다. I strongly contend content my view that it is always better to visit the a country au lieu de lelarning to learn about the country foreign countires than to learn through newspapers and magazines. magaizines.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (10-16)
대소문자 구분, 오탈자에 유의해주세요. 문장에서 빠진 요소나 문법이 맞지 않는 부분들도 전달력을 떨어뜨리니 신경써야 합니다. 내용 면에서는 직접 가는 것이 '왜' 더 나은지를 설명하는 부분이 더 구체화되면 좋을 것 같습니다. 특히 body2는 표현이 피상적이기 때문에 '왜' 직접 가는 게 더 좋다는 것인지가 불분명하다는 점이 아쉽습니다. 내용 정확도와 논리 면에 초점을 두고 improve시켜주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다. ^^
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