| |
| |
|
Some people think that
with the help of the Internet, students can learn more effectively. However, in
my opinion, with the help of the Internet, students cannot learn more
effectively. This is because Internet seduces students to do other things and
studying through internet prevents students from concentrating.
To begin with, Internet tempts students to do other things. To be specific,
young students do not have adequate
bearing ability ,which they should not do for study(이해하기 어렵습니다. Bearing
ability가 뭔지 define 해주세요). So, because
they usually do not want to study, it is easy to do other thing such as
Internet surfing and playing games. If the condition is made that they can escape from their study.(문장을 완성해주세요) There is a proper
example in this situation. For example, I was in high school, I always
studied to enroll (into) great universities. However, these times was very hard
because while(for) a longtime, I had studied. In this situation, using the
internet to find useful information such as academic knowledge, universities
entrance exam made me not concentrate what I should find. This is because
compared to books, Internet had many funny news and video. I eventually spent a
lot of time surfing internet, and I could not get a good score in universities
entrance exam. This story is a strong proof that Internet tempts students to
do other things.
On top of that, studying through Internet prevents students from concentrating.
This is because the majority of students (are) used to study
printed books in school. So they are not good at different condition that using the Internet
to find information. In
addition, the words that are written in the Internet can provide students with
a lot of fatigue of their eye (fatigue 대한 디테일 보다 인터넷을 잘 사용하지 못하는 구체적인 디테일을 붙여주세요). It will keep students from studying in school. A study
conducted by Seoul National University showed that studying with Internet distributes(distracts) students to
focus on their study. The researchers tracked students who often use the
Internet for efficiency of study and those who did not. What they found is that
students who do not use Internet tended to have better academic achievement.
The reason is that they always study same surrounding that does not use the
Internet.
To sum up, Internet can tempt students to do other things and studying through
Internet prevents students from concentrating. For these reasons, I think that
studying with Internet can give students many negative effects.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 적절하지 않은 단어 선택이 많습니다. 최대한 짧고 간단한 단어들을 사용하여 표현하세요. 문장도 불필요하게
길게 쓰는 경향이 있습니다. 문장을 완성하지 않았거나 구체적인 설명이 부족한 부분이 많습니다. (bearing ability)라고 표현하지 말고 young students
do not have high concentration thus they can be easily distracted 라고 쓰세요. 본론의 2번째 문단, 부가적
진술에 fatigue 대한 디테일 보다 인터넷을 잘 사용하지 못하는 구체적인 디테일을 붙여주세요.