In these days, parents can not control their children because they are influenced more by mass media. |
One of the most well known issue about televisions is that people watch them too much that it would influence lives adversely. Most of the kids all over the world watch televisions more than two hours a day according to a resulf of one research. However, the statement that children are not able to be controlled by their parents because they are affected by such things as television and movies is a big exaggeration. The majority of children have spent more time with their parents, influences of movies and TVs are not that critical and not every children living in nowadays are watching TVs, therefore, parents still can control their sons and daughters even though they are affected by mass medias.
~One of the most well-known issue about tv~ 여기서 '무엇' 중에 하나인지를 곰곰히 따져 보시면, well-known issue 중에 하나라는 결론이 납니다. issues로 고쳐주세요.
~influence lives adversely~ '삶'이 필요한 이 때는 ~influence on their life adversely~로 해주세요. 복수형이 필요하지 않습니다.^^ on은 influence와 자주 따라가는 전치사구요. adversely 대신에 negatively를 쓰셔도 됩니다. influence와 같이 자주 쓰입니다.
~resulf~ -> ~result~
~...with their parents, influence...~문장이 기네요, 과감하게 끊어주실 필요가 있습니다. with their parents 하고 끊어주시고 새로운 문장을 시작하세요.
To begin with, most of the children live their whole lives with their moms and daddys which are their caregivers. By living and interacting with their parents through out their lives, children learn that what their parents say is very important. to themselves. Hence, the kids tend to be more influenced by their caregivers more than any other factors including mass media. For instance, my younger brother John, watches animation called Pocket Monsters. One day, in the aniation, the maim character Pikachu said that people must not tell a lie on people in any situation. However, my father told him that people sometimes need "white lies". After the day, several times he told a white lies on me in order not to hurt my feelings about some events. As we can see in the above example, parents have more effects to children than mass media do.
~moms and daddys~ 영어에서 mom, mommy, mother 은 아주 약간의 차이점이 있습니다. 모두 다 어머니를 명칭하는 것이긴 하지만, mom, mommy는 실생활에서 쓰이는 구어입니다. mother는 공식적인(?) 자리에서 쓰이는 단어에요. daddy 도 마찬가지 이구요. mother & father 로 고쳐주시면 적절하겠습니다.
~aniation~ -> ~animation~
~maim~ -> ~main~
~the main character Pikachu said~ 이 경우에서는, 피카츄(>_<) 가 메인 캐릭터라는 공식이 성립됩니다. 그렇기 때문에 피카츄를 "콤마안에 가둬"주세요. ~the main character, Pikachu, said,~ 이렇게 하면 피카츄가 보조 설명으로 들어간답니다.
In addition, televisions and movies are not so influential to kids as they "know what they know". Children in modern days are not so foolish that they would believe everything they see on televisions. They know that television sometimes broadcast some faulty information and most of the contents are not true. To illustrate, in a commercial show in Korea, a famous actor tells people that if they wear the clothes which is what he is wearing, they would look cool. However, they are not dumbs. They know that it is a lie, so parents can tell what clothes to buy and what soes to wear.
~...kids as they "know what they know".~ 여기서 두가지가 나오네요. 첫번째, as는 앞에 일어났던 동사와 뒤에 일어나는 동사가 같이 develop 해가고 있을때 사용하는 전치사입니다. 같이 일어난다기보다는, ~하니까 ~한다가 낫겠죠. as 를 since로 쓰시는 건 어떨까요? 두번째, 보시면, 따옴표(")를 마지막에 하시고 마침표를 찍으셨는데, 영어에서는 마지막에 따옴표가 나와야 할때는 따옴표 안에 마침표를 찍습니다. 그래서, ~"know what they know."~이렇게 됩니다.
~...are not so foolish...would believe...~ 그만큼 바보같지 않다면 TV에서 나오는 걸 믿지 않아야 하지 않나요? wouldn't 이 아닐까 하는..
~soes~ -> ~shoes~
Finally, not all children all over the world watch television. children also have other works to do. People tend to say that children watch TV all day. Yet they have homeworks to do, house chores to help their moms, have to go to schools and academies. Youngsters these days are busy. for example, in my case, I spend time at school from nine a.m. to five p.m. and then, I go to academy at six and come home at twelve a.m.. I have no such time to enjoy watching TV. Therefore the argument that parents are not able to control kids because of mass media does not make any sense.
~nine a.m. to five p.m.~ a.m 이나 p.m. 을 쓰실때는 글씨로 쓰지 마시고 숫자로 해주세요. ~9 a.m. to 5 p.m.~
~Therefore the argument...~ therefore 다음에 콤마 잊지 마세요^^
In the twentieth century, mass media is a major part of people's lives. However, sice almost all kids spend their time with their parents, mass media does not affect children, and children are so busy that they have no time for TV, it is an unreasonable claim that parents are no longer able to control their children.
~sice~ -> ~since~
~...TV, it is...~ 문장이 길어집니다. TV 뒤에서 끊어주세요.
이틀밖에 안 남으셨나봐요! 으아.. 저는 그때 뭘 하고 있을지 궁금합니다.. 꼭 잘하시길 빌께요! |