▶ Your Answer :Some people think that if parents wish to see their
child succeed in life, they should set rigid rules for them. However, in my
opinion, if they really want to see their kids are succeed, they have to allow
their kids to be free because strict rules are constrain contract children’s imagination and
make them depressed.
To
begin with, harsh rules make kids can’t to not think creatively. If the children
are trapped by rules, they are likely do just keep the rules and gets some applaud from
their parents or teachers. It makes their behavior robotic. For example, one of
my middle school teachers made the list of things that students are not allowed to do. He
punished us when we asked strange questions in his class. So, I could not can’t ask the questions
easily, because it made me feel guilty makes guilt when I asked something creative one.
On top
of that, rigid rules make kids to have in low confidence. These rules make many taboos
that children cannot can’t act the way they want because it makes questions about
their behavior. Even if the acts are not awkward. And children fear about the
punishments. So, the kids cannot can’t act confidently and will hesitate to do something.
For instance, my grandfather made some mandatory rules when my dad was young.
My dad could not can’t do anything freely in his home and if he broke the rules, he got gets
punished. It made makes him to fear his father and make in become depressed.
To sum
up, strict rules only make children to not have down imagination and nervous. In this
regard, I think that parents should raise their kids in free environments.
Limited (1-16)
글자 수 300자 미만입니다. 글자수 미니멈 안되시면 감점됩니다.
서론 -succeed 동사이므로 are과 같이 쓰지 않습니다. 동사 2개 -to 부정사에서 to 뒤에 동사원형 -contract는 계약이라는 뜻이고 한계를 짓다는 constrain, restrict 로 써주세요.
첫번째 본문 -make과 can 동사 같이 쓰면 어색합니다. -특정한 아이들 지칭 아니니 the 빼주세요. -children 복수이므로 are -수동태는 be p.p -to do 안써도 되지만 쓰면 더 의미가 명확해집니다. -축약형 지양해주세요. -그리고, 문맥상 과거이므로 can-->could -,로 문장 두개 이을 수 없습니다. 또한, 뒤에 이유가 나오므로 because나 since 써주세요. -문맥상 과거이므로 made me feel guilty
두번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. can't-->cannot -파란 부분 이해하기 어렵습니다. -줄친 부분 불필요합니다. 또한, 어색한 행동은 문맥상 어울리지 않습니다. -아직 일어나지 않았고 추측성이므로 will ~할 것이다를 넣어주시면 더 자연스럽습니다. -문맥상 과거이므로 can-->could -문맥상 과거이므로 get-->got, makes-->made -make in depressed라는 표현은 없습니다. 그냥 got depressed 혹은 더 좋은 표현으로 become depressed를 써주세요.
본인이 설정하신 이유는 괜찮은데 그것에 대한 설명이 부실합니다. 내용 보충해주세요. 또한, 문법 실수/표현오류가 너무 많습니다. 연습 많이 필요하십니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
|