▶ Your Answer :
Attitudes conflict on whether children should play
sports for pleasure and not for competition. I
stand for proponents of the view that children should not compete when they
play sports. First, competition can damage children’s relationships. Second,
children should relieve stress through sports.
Fundamentally,
relationships of children can be damaged when they compete while playing sports. The opposing side argues that
competition through sports does not harm children’s relationships. Advocates of
this school of thought raise several arguments as the basis for their beliefs.
While their argumentation may appear valid on the surface, it does not
withstand vigorous scrutiny. Actually, a flood of evidence renders their view
erroneous. For instance, my particular observation reveals why it should be for
pleasure for children to play sports not for competition. When I was a middle
school student, I had a soccer match with another class. We made a bet on the
match, so it became more competitive. After a while, my class won the soccer
match and it seemed everyone was happy for the victory. However, we could not
get along with the students in that class after the match. In contrast, if we
had played soccer for pleasure, the relationship would not have been cracked.
It supports the thesis that kids should not play sports for competition.
In the second place,
sports have help to have kids
relieve stress. Beyond my personal experience, a
current research substantiates my perspective. Apart from a small portion of
people who sided with the opposite idea, a significant majority of survey (누가 진행한 설문이죠) participants endorsed
my point of view that sports should be played for pleasure for children. An
elementary school kids answered in the survey that
he is enrolled in math and English language courses after school. He added that
on weekends, he has to visit art galleries or museums with his parents and that all of them are very stressful. Due to the fact
that all of those activities are forced by his parents not with his will, he
said playing soccer game at lunch time with his friends is the only chance to
relieve stress. Most elementary school students who have participated in the
survey concurred that if children play sports
for pleasure it will help relieve stress. Such notions attest that it should not (여기서 not을 넣으시면 절대로 안 됩니다) be for pleasure to
play sports not competition.
Ultimately, children should play sports for pleasure
for the evidence I have provided previously. First, relationships
with others might get is damaged if children compete. Second,
sports should help kids relieve stress.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
26 |
Overall
Comment: |
같은 주제로 다른 주장을 내놓으신
게 좋았어요. 기존의 것들과는 달리 문법 오류가 잦지 않았습니다. 다만 세 번째 문단에서 not을 넣으신 게 조금 아쉬웠어요. 자세한 건
위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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