▶ Your Answer :
Some people assert
that teaching cooking and car repairing is more important than teaching
personal finance for high school students, whereas others hold the opposite
view. As for my position, I stand on the side of the latter. The grounds for
this are not only does the financial ability enables people to buy foods
and other things they need, but it also need a critical period to learn.
For one thing, the high school students who learned personal finance are
more likely to earn a lot of money when they are grown grow up.
With their money they can buy what they need and use their money for their
life. It is needless to learn cooking or car repairing because they can pay
their money for delicious foods and car repairing services. As a case in point,
my uncle, a CEO of a successive domestic company in Korea, took a personal
finance course as an optional course in his high school. After he learned how
to adjust his assets in an efficient way, he started investing his money on the
China fund and earn about 500 million dollars in Six years. He became a famous
person in our town and the most influential person in economic progress.
Although He did does not
know how to cook or how to fix the car, He can eat various delicious foods and
repair a variety of cars, with his money. If he had not took taken the
class, He would not have gathered that much of assets.
On
top of that, learning finance should be learned done at the
a young age. Learning somethings
needs a critical period. In other words, cooking and car repairing can be
taught after people have grown up. In the contrary,
learning finance needs a long duration to make it a habitual
behavior. To illustrate this, a renowned educational scientist published an
article in “The Herald”
last Tuesday in Chicago, which claims that the subjects which
needs the longest duration for the
best outcome is are language and
economic course. According to this article, more than 80 percent of the
participants believe that economical reasonable behavior should be though
learned from the age of 15. This conclusion was
reported with 99.9 percent of reliability of the result of a survey. Thus it is
safe to say that learning finance is the most critical subject for high school
students.
In conclusion,
nothing is as pivotal as learning finance. If we need to choose a class for
high school optional course, learning finance is the answer. The two main
reasons for this are that: firstly, learning finance makes the students
possible to save and earn their money, Secondly, it takes a long time to be practical which
means it should be taught from the young age.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
27 |
Overall
Comment: |
기존에 사용하셨던 템플릿이랑 조금
달라서 신선했어요. 문법 오류들이 잦긴 했지만 큰 오류는 없으니 조금만 연습하시면 완벽한 점수를 받으실 수 있을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨어요. |
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