▶ Your Answer :There are many factors that a great leader must have. These factors include strong leadership, sincerity, and a quick judgement. Some people maintains that leaders do not have to let employees take part in decision making. Because, This is because too many opinions spoil the result and make delay the process of management delay. From my perspective, however, employees' employee’s participation in decision making is beneficial for a compony after all, because it boosts employees' employee’s loyalty to the company. In addition, leaders can get more creative and brilliant strategies by gathering other employees' employee’s opinions.
First of all, increasing participation of employees related to a company’s important decisions can elevates their loyalty to the company. If a leader decides a big decision by himself, employees cannot doesn’t feel a sense of belonging and therefore might will be disaffected with that decision. Studies conducted by mMinistry of lLabor has shown that the most powerful factor to rise employees' loyalty is participation in decision-making. By doing this, they feel that they significantly affected to the company’s management and truly became a member of organization. In contrast, employees who just follow the leader’s decision have lower loyalty and move to another company easily.
On the top of that, gathering many people’s opinion is better than deciding solely by oneself. This is because each person people has their own opinion, perspectives and values. Leaders can make a best decision by collecting other employees' opinion. Because their perspective and value differ from that of leader so leader become more comprehend. 의견이 모두 다르기 때문에 리더가 이해하게 된다는 표현이 좀 어색해요. 여러 관점에서 문제를 바라볼 수 있기 때문에 다양한 가능성을 고려하고 합리적인 의사결정에 도움을 받을 수 있다, 하는 식으로 결정 자체에 도움이 된다는 점을 강조해서 설명해주면 좋을 것 같아요. For example, . Mmy father runs a business and he discusses with employees when he makes a choice related to the company. He said that it was hard to decide something himself. But with others' other’s help, especially his employees', he could make a better choice.
To sum up, it would be better for leaders to let employees take part in decision-making because their loyalty to the company is increased and also excellent choices could be made. In this regard, I believe that great leaders have to encourage their employees to express their opinion and ideas on decision-making.
Comment : 직원들의 소속감을 증진시키고 결정 자체에도 긍정적인 영향을 받는다는 아이디어가 아주 좋습니다. 논리 자체는 아주 좋은데 표현상 오류 때문에 내용 전달이 약해지는 부분들이 많이 아쉬워요. 수량표현, 시제, 품사 사용 등 문법과 단어 사용에 더 신경쓰셔서 글을 업그레이드 해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 시간여유가 된다면 각 본론에서 '왜, 어떻게 그것이 가능한지'를 설명하는 부분과 사례가 주장과 무슨 관련이 있는지 정리해주는 부분도 더 보완해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |