▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that most students do not spend their time on to exercise.
Therefore, university does not have to spend school budget on sports. However,
in my opinion, university should spend money on sports and libraries equally.
This is because sports are good for health. Moreover, students can relieve
stress.
To begin with, exercise promotes students to be being healthy. Since
university students have a lot of work they are very busy and have no time to work
out out of campus. But, if university develops sports facilities, students could
spend their spare time in exercise effectively. Plus, by doing this, they would become healthier, which helps them to study better. healthy. For example, my brother was very healthy when he was a teenager.
However, his fitness got worse after he entered a university. That was bBecause he had no
time for work out and university did not have enough sports center for students
at that time. Thus, he asked to university to build more sports facility and
university increased fitness center. After that he regained his health and became to more enjoy his university life more.
On
top of that, students can get rid of their stress. Many students feel are pressured
by study so they get stressed. Consequently they need somewhere to activity for some activities to relieve stress. I personally believe that exercise is one of the best methods to relieve
stress. The reason is that when students work out, they can forget about their
worries and just enjoy the moment. For instance, one study shows that positive
effect of the exercise. According to the research, the people who work out each
day get 27 percent less stress than other people who do not exercise. There are
two reasons. First, exercise helps people have well sleep well. During the sleep While sleeping people become relaxed relax and relieve their stress. Second, it can also help people
to dismiss negative feelings by use their energy. 이렇게 스트레스 해소에 좋은 운동이 캠퍼스 내에서 가능해야 좋다, 라는 주장까지 연결해서 설명해주세요. 단순히 운동이 스트레스 해소에 좋은 이유만 설명하고 마무리하면 주제와의 연관성이 잘 드러나지 못한다는 아쉬움이 있습니다.
To
sum up, sports are stimulates allow students to be healthier mentally as well as physically. physical and mental health care
themselves. Therefore, I agree with the statement that it is important for universities to as much invest on sports as much as on libraries for university students.
Comment : 학생들의 신체적/정신적 건강 측면에서 대학이 스포츠시설에 투자하는 것이 중요하다는 주장이 아주 좋습니다. 설명 과정에서 주제가 더 잘 드러나게 강조할 수 있는 부분들을 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 특히 사례를 제시한 뒤에 '그러니까 내 말이 맞다'라고 강조하는 부분이 글의 일관성을 높이는 데 도움을 주니 참고해주세요. 주장과 흐름이 잘 잡혀 있는 반면 문법오류가 많아서 전달력이 떨어진다는 점이 아쉬워요. 문법은 컴퓨터로 채점하기 때문에 더더욱 정확하게 구사할 수 있도록 신경써주시는 게 좋아요. 품사 사용과 주술호응, 수일치 등에 유의해서 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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