▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that the ability to make many new friends easily is more vital than the ability to keep friendships with a few of people over a long period of time. However, in my opinion, the ability to maintain friendships with a few little of people for a long time is more crucial for happiness. The reason is that you could feel more comfortable through the friends who(m) you are familiar with. Another reason is that making new friends easily always makes requires me to be tired and exhausted.
To begin with, people might feel more relaxed with their friends and this can lead to almost everyone's happiness. Since the friends who have spent so much time together each other would know about each other better well more than the others. So they could understand each other in many cases and be open-minded. Actually the meaning of happiness has completely changed compared to the past. If it was merely focusing on making money, but now it is different. It is crucial to have people who can lend you a hand when you are in trouble when it comes to to be your happiness. In this sense, friends who know you each other well are likely to help you them to pursue your for their happiness. On the other hand, these This phenomenon cannot be connected to the new friends. people. For example, my friend Dominic and I have been spending for 5 years as a friends. We already know a plenty of our private life. One day, I was really depressed thinking that my life became an exhausting routine. However, my friend Dominic realized fast that I had something depressing depressed so he asked me to solve this the problem. I could tell him about my problem easily because the ambience was I felt so comfortable when I was being with him. Later on, he gave me the right direction for me to do, so that I could solve the problem.
To sum up, people can relieve their stress with their friends who have been spending for a long period and it causes every individual's happiness. In this regard, I believe it is better to have ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people for a long time is more important for happiness.
Comment : 내용이 좀 더 일관되게 정리될 수 있도록 해주세요. you, they, people, me 등이 섞여 있는데 일반적인 people, you, one 등으로 통일해주는 것이 좋습니다. 어법상 맞지 않는 부분들도 더 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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