▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, homework plays a significant role in students' people’s daily
lives in many of the places where they work or play. There must be many ways to
reduce cheating such as supervision by parents, increasing punishment, and
giving more difficult homework. If I had to choose one, I would say that the
most efficient method for decreasing the cheating is the supervision of parents. There
are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, students do not want to
disappoint their parents. A lot of students hope that their parents are not
disappointed by their children, and thus, if parents would monitor children’s
homework, then students would do their best. Therefore, the cheating rate will decline reduce evidently. For example, when I was in middle school, I sometimes cheated
friend’s homework because I could not solve some problems and I did not have much
time. However, I became more honest and sincere after my parents checked my
homework. Although I did not solve problems, I did not cheat others’ answers
since my parents always said that being honest is the most important factor in
life. As we can see from this compelling example, students would not copy other
students’ homework if their parents examine their homework since students do not
hope that their parents dismay because of their children.
On top of that, monitoring by parents is
the only feasible method to reduce the cheating. This is because students can
still cheat despite increasing punishment or more difficult homework. However,
students cannot cheat if their parents sit next to their children. For
instance, Seoul National University found a huge difference between three
groups of young students in academic attitude. The first group consisted of students those who sat with their parents during homework, the second group was made up
of those who were punished by their teachers if the evidence of cheating was were
found(반대되는 사실을 가정하는 것이 아니라 조건절로 쓰인 if이므로 수일치해주어야 의미가 정확해져요), and the third group consisted of those who gave the more complicated
homework. The researchers found that the first group was less likely to cheat
others’ homework than the rest. In particular, many of the first group showed a
longer attention span, a stronger passion in their tasks, and a better ability
to delay gratification. On the other hand, much of the second and third group tended to get distracted easily, procrastinate, and act on impulse. In the
light of the above archetype above, the first method is the only practical method to
decrease the cheating rate.
All things considered, I strongly believe
that the advantages of monitoring by parents far outweigh those of other
methods for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of
supervision cannot be overestimated in study. life.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 내용을 잘 정리해주셨어요. 주장에 맞는 논리를 잘 구성해주신 것 같습니다. 모델에세이 템플릿을 응용할 때 주제에 맞지 않게 어색해질 수 있는 부분들에 유의하면서 연습해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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