▶ Your Answer : Family members see each other since they were born. However, as people go through different stages of life, family members start to leave one by one making a void sensation in the house. This can evoke loneliness in the house and cause problems such as ignoring family matters. People do not don’t have to think too hard on this problem because having meals with their families on a regular basis is the key solution to this problem. First, by having meals with their families on a regular basis, the family members can keep up with one another. When people sit around at a table having meals,. the family members start discussing subjects such as the presidential election, getting a new job, or a new restaurant in downtown. Just by talking about these matters, the family can regain a sense of unity and bond. Second, people will not won’t need to have fancy family reunions since having meals with their families on a regular basis itself is a form of family reunion. For example, I started to live by myself after I went to college and that left my parents alone. Consequently, I go to my parents’ place every Sunday and have a nice, warm meal. Currently, my family does not need to have any fancy reunion event because having meals together every Sunday itself is a form of family reunion. Thus, by having meals with the family on a regular basis, not only can family members keep up with one another, people will also not need to have fancy family reunions. In fact, sticking to the very basic family routines will be a step closer to changing social problems by helping people both physically and emotionally.
Fair (17) 글자수 미니멈 300 미달입니다. 미니멈 글자 수 채우지 않으면 감점됩니다.
서론 -축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not -글과 토픽에 해당되지 않는 문제들까지 일부러 끌어와서 쓸 필요는 없습니다.
첫번째 본문 -문장 부호 오류 .-->, -~에서 의 in을 넣어주세요. -구체적인 예시를 추가해주시면 좋습니다.
두번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. won't-->will not -family reunion을 할 따로 할 필요가 본인의 이유이신데, 그것의 중요성에 대한 설명을 해주셔야 글의 설득력이 올라갑니다. fancy family reunion을 당연히 해야한다를 전제하고 글을 쓰시면 안됩니다. 함축/내포는 최대한 없애고, 객관적인 사실이 아닌 주관적인 내용은 모두 설명이 필요합니다. 또한, family reunion이 중요하다는 전제에 두는것은 토픽에 대한 대답이 아닙니다. 토픽 자체가 어떻게 보면 family reunion에 대한 내용인데, 본인의 주장을 펼쳐야할 토픽을 당연한 전제로 깔고 주장을 펼치면 제대로된 논리가 나올 수 없습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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