▶ Your Answer :
Some people take it for granted that
all of personal problems are up to the person themselves. However, in my opinion,
government’s aid is necessary to find a solution for the serious problem. The
rationale behind this is that government’s aid is the only solution for the problems
related to the local economy and work efficiency. Firstly, government has enough power
to improve the local economic situation. By establishing special building or investing
in some areas to change them into attractions, government can help the regions to attract
thousands of people. As a result, the local businesses such as restaurants,
snack shops, and souvenir shops will have more and more customers. On top of
that, a number of jobs related to the stores will be created. For example, the
town I lived suffered from the economic recession. Fortunately, the government published
plans to build Incheon Asiad Main Stadium at my town. As a result, this stadium
revitalized the economic situation by providing numerous employment
opportunities ranging from ticket sellers to parking attendants, and bringing
profits to the stores near the Stadium. Additionally, several investors bought
buildings and started restaurants and shopping centers because the town became
economically promising. Moreover, government has ve great potential
to improve working efficiency. This is mainly because government’s incentive for
companies to provide better working environment to workers can be a facilitator
which motivates people to participate in their job with great zeal and
enthusiasm. Therefore, these highly motivated people will make more efforts and
feel more responsible for their tasks, which will lead to better results at the
workplace. For example, when I worked for a finance company, I was really stressed
stressful and tired because I often had to work overtime at night with somewhat
low payment. However, thanks to the government’s new policy for workers, I
could work at the better environment with happy and this led to better outcomes.
This was because I could leave work much earlier at regular time and had my
salary raised. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the
government has an important role in solving personal problems. The reason is
that government’ help is the sole solution for the local economy and work
efficiency.
Good (24–30)
첫번째 본문 -invest in -문맥상 과거이므로 suffer-->suffered
두번째 본문 -수 일치 -potent는 힘, 파워, 효과 라는 뜻으로 잠재력은 potential이 더 어울립니다. -중간에서, I was stressful은 내가 스트레스를 주는 원인의 뜻입니다. 내가 스트레스를 받았을때는 I was stressed로 써주세요. 본문 둘 다 내용 괜찮습니다. 실수들 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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