▶ Your Answer : Some people think that the university should spend more on libraries. However, in my opinion, university should invest their money on sports and libraries with equal funding. This is because sports can help students improve health as well as communications skills. ^ To begin with, having the same funding for sports encourages students to exercise. They can stay in shape. For example, When I was in university, the sports facilities were too old-fashioned so students did not go to gym. University had to build new sport facilities that students could use. After renovation of gym, students got to go to gym off and on. They could relieve their stress from study by doing workout. ^ On top of that, sports activities can help students to have an interaction with different major students as well as increase their communication skills. For instance, when I joined a tennis club, all club members practiced the manner of tennis together. We became a family since we met regularly after the game. It was would be a good chance for me to make network in university. Besides, when I participated in a national game, I got an opportunity to meet people interested in tennis. What a wonder! ^ To sum up, sports are beneficial for students with many aspects. In this regard, I think that universities should get the same funding on sports and libraries.
Fair (17-23) 글자 수 300 미달입니다. 미니멈 맞추지 않으시면 감점 됩니다.
글자 수의 미달과 관련해서 내용도 보충할 점이 많습니다. 첫번째 본문에서, 왜 운동을 하는 것이 학생들에게 중요하고 이점이 되며, 그것이 왜 도서관에의 투자와 같은 수준의 중요성을 띄는지 더 설명해주세요.
두번째 본문에서, 일단 문장 중간에, 문맥상 과거형이므로 동사 과거 써주세요. 마지막에 감탄사적인 문장은 토플에서 지양해주세요. 또한, 내용면에서, 체육관에서의 운동이 어떻게/왜 커뮤니케이션 스킬에 도움을 줬으며, 그것이 왜 도서관으로 부터 오는 이점과 동일한 중요성을 띄는지 더 자세하게 설명해주셔야 글의 설득력이 올라갑니다.
문법은 괜찮습니다.
결론에서 줄바꿈 지양해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~ |