▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that competition between friends do not have any impact in friendships. However, in my opinion, friendships can be affected negatively by competition between them for the following reasons:; first of all, competition makes people see even his/her friend as an enemy, and second, it is not easy to be far from competitive perspective. To begin with, friendships could be damaged by competition between friends because the primary purpose in the situation is to win in the competition. Hence, people could think that they can overcome any difficulties or any situation, and as a result they do not consider even their friend in the process. In this sense, I will take an example of mine. When I was a high school student, I competed with my ex-best friend in order to win in a marathon match. I really wanted to be the winner in the match, so even I did not care my friend. To be specific, in the middle of the match, my friend sprained sprinted her ankle and fell. However, I did not help her because I might have lost in the match been the winner if I spent my time helping her in the situation. As a result, I ignored her, and finally I became the winner in the match. However, I feel lt sorry until now. On top of that, once competitive atmosphere is was shaped, the perspective which consider friends as enemies would be continued for a long time. This is because it is not easy for people to diverged from the perspective since they were immersed in the climate seriously. As a result, the relationship could not be recovered forever. For example, my brother made an forever enemy in his life when he was 17 years old. My brother and his friend were good at studying in the school. Teachers wanted them to go to the best university in my country, so they stimulated them by comparing them. They thought that such rival relationship might just help have helped them to study hard. However, defying their anticipation, the competition became more serious and even they disliked each other. As a result, they stabbed each other’s back, misunderstood the friend, and ended the relationship up completely. To sum up, competition between friends makes them downplay each other’s value and presence, and moreover, the competitive perspective could not be alleviated despite of the flow of time. In this regard, I firmly believe that friends should not compete with each other.
Good (24-25) 서론 -긴 문장 형태의 나열은 :보다는 ;가 적합합니다. -his/her 말고 둘 중 하나 정해서 써주세요.
첫번째 본문 -명사 앞에 관사 -발목 삐는 것은 sprain 동사 입니다. -도와주면 우승자가 될 수 있었다는 본인의 의도와 반대되는 의미입니다. 반대로 써주세요. -아직까지 미안한것이므로 현재시제로 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -현재형이 더 적합합니다. -대학에 '가는'것 -have helped는 서로 도왔을 것이다의 뜻이므로 부적합합니다.
내용 괜찮습니다. 문법/문장력/표현 등을 더 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |