셤이 이제 3일 남았네요 이래가지고 4.5 맞을 수 있을까요? 30분 훨씬 넘겨서 썼네요 거의 50분 걸렸는데.... 고수님들 문법적인 오류좀 잡아 주시고요, 내용도 첨삭부탁드려요 가차없는 질타도 감사히 받겠습니다. 부탁드려요~~ 119, 옷이 사람의 행동에 영향을 미치는가? These days, a growing number of people insisting cloths' importance believe that people behave differently when they wear different clothes. Personally, I agree with the opinion because clothes indicate a person's status and identity, and people wear clothes as their circumstance. First of all, clothes play a crucial role in displaying his or her status or identity. It is largely because people wearing a particular uniform to indicate their status behave differently when they wear a paticualar uniform. For example, when I was a soldier, I behaved more bravely and manly when I weared a military uniform than when I weared different clothes. Likewise people having social position such as policemen, firemen, and nurses accomplish more well their missions when they wear a uniform indicating their status. In this respect, clothes can change people's conduct. Moreover, people wear differently as->at a certain place or situation. It is mainly attributed to the fact that certain clothes in a special place can show charictaristic->characteristic of this->the places and meetings. Therefore, it is a manner that a person should wear a proper dress for the meeting when they are invited in a meeting or party. From my experience, when I was freshmen->freshman, I was invited to a masked ball. However, I did not character this party. I weared only casual jean without a mask and absented the party. All the time, I was disappointed and saded. In this respect, clothes reflect charicteristic of a paticaular place or meeting. In conclution, I believe that people behave differently when they wear different clothes because clothes can not only a certain person's status but also indicate characteristic of a specific place and meeting. After all, I believe that clothes are the most factor for successful life.
두번째 얘로 드신 것 특정 장소나 모임에 따라 입어야 한다는 단락 철자,문법
,내용 다 조금씩 고치셔야 할듯; 앞에 단락은 그래도 좀 나은데 뒤에 단락은
철자도 그렇고 의미도 그렇고 4.0정도 되지 않을 까 싶은데요.;