▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, spending time with children
plays a crucial role in children’s development in many places where they work
or play. Some people believe that spending more time to doing schoolwork is
better than playing games or sports, while others do not. Both sides may have
their reasons to support their views. On the other hand, if I had to choose
one, I would say that playing games or sports with their children is more
important than studying with them. There are several reasons as follows. ^
To begin with, students who spend most of
time with their parents by playing games or sports can improve their physical
health. If parents enjoy outdoor activities with their children regularly, it
can improve the immune systems by heating up their body temperature. This trend is
likely to bring a good health condition. For instance, Seoul National
University (SNU) found a huge difference between two groups of children. One
group consisted of those who enjoyed outdoor activities with their parents on a
regular basis, and the other group was made up of those who spent more time
doing homework with their parents. The researcher found that the former was
likely to immune the diseases such as diabetes, fatty liver, and sleep
deprivation. On the other hand, the latter tended to be procrastinated,
overweight, and get distracted easily. This implies that parents should spend
more time to playing with their children, compared to doing schoolwork with them.
^
On top of that, if the parents devote a lot
of time to playing games or sports, it can strengthen their emotional bond.
When parents and children share their similar hobby, it allows them to have
more useful time by enjoying activities. It is likely to bring a better
relationship between them. For example, when my brother was in a high school,
he was depressed thinking that his life became exhausting routine. However, he
was able to escape the routine by sharing hobby with our parents and me.
Naturally, our family spent more time to doing exercise and other outdoor
activities. In addition, he was able to seek for advice and obtain words of
comfort by spending time with parents. Without playing games or sports, he
would have fallen behind. ^
All things considered, I firmly believe
that spending time to playing games or sports can help to promote relationship
between parents and children and also is beneficial to enhance the physical
health. All in all, this trends will continue and pass down to the next
generations.
Good (24–30)
첫번째 본문 -데우다, 온도를 올리다, 뜨겁게 하다 --heat up
두번째 본문 -첫번째 본문과 길이 균형 맞춰주세요. -to -ing 는 이 본문에서는 어색합니다. to 부정사나 그냥 ing 로 써주세요. -마지막 문장에서, 가정법이므로 would have p.p 형태로 써주세요. 결론 -단/복수 구분
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