▶ Your Answer : The given topic of which students should do for a summer vacation between taking other courses that are not related to their major and taking part participation in volunteering is intriguing. Although some people deem joining volunteer activities acts is more meaningful, I strongly contend that listening to taking other courses not concerned with one's own of another major is better for the following reasons.
First of all, students should listen to take various courses that are not related to their majors in a summer vacation so that they acquire an outcompeting advantage over other candidates in a job market. Nowadays, people face fierce competitions in a job market since there are too many job applicants with not so many jobs available. Consequently, it has become extremely difficult to find suitable and rewarding jobs. In order to become desirable job applicants and find success in their future career, students they should become competent by learning as much as they can, including signing up for lecturers despite their of other majors and listening to the contents. By doing so, they can have additional capacities over other candidates in a job market and have more opportunities to be hired by large companies. A research conducted by a renowned professor named James Mediac from Pittsburgh University indicates that people who sometimes attend to summer lectures which are not related to their majors attain the goal of being hired by good corporations in a much more effectual way whereas having the same accomplishments is somewhat stunted for people who do not join the courses such as culture subjects or other majors in a summer vacation. Likewise, his research proves that my argument is compelling.
On top of that, having a time to take part a participation in other subjects which do not have have not relations with one's own major in a summer vacation or other times is an excellent way of enhancing insights and outlooks since people can have more secondhand experience or knowledge more. While studying only their own majors only, many people are immersed by tons of information and knowledge about this world through formalized education. The problem that comes with this is that most of the information and knowledge is conveyed with the major's biased viewpoint and they can easily become shortsighted if they do not have chances to experience and broaden their horizon by participation participating in various courses which not seem uncorrelated. In many cases, lack of experience or stereotype is a serious concern that hinders one's success. Therefore, in order to gain well-balanced views and become more cultured, they students are encouraged to join diverse lessons without concerning majors during their rest time and have as much experience or knowledge as possible. According to a private survey conducted by Seoul National University of Korea, most of the surveyed respondents answered that they were strongly influenced by having a time to take attend on other major's courses. They also responded that if it had not been for their experience related to other majors or culture subjects, they might not have broadened their viewpoints.
Taking all of these into considerations , it is rightful to take lessons related to other majors or culture subjects due to the advantageous position in a job market and the gain of diverse perspectives.
Comment : 전공 외의 수업을 들음으로써 견문을 넓힐 수 있고 직업적 소양도 갖추게 된다는 주장이 좋았습니다. 다만 내용을 풀어내는 과정에서 문단의 요지와는 크게 관련없는 내용들이 좀 있었던 것 같아요. 템플릿에서 단어만 교체하는 정도로 활용하면 논점에 맞지 않는 off-topic내용들이 생기기 쉽습니다. 주제에 맞게 필요한 내용들만 활용할 수 있도록 한번 더 주제와 관련지어서 내용을 검토하고 다듬어보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 어색한 단어 활용이나 문법표현도 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |