▶
Your Answer :
Taking a year off, so
called a gap year, is now a trend for young
high school graduates. The reasons why they are sparing a year, venturing
a delay of the year of college graduation, may
vary. Nevertheless, the people who took a gap year commonly
mention that they collected (gained) unforgettable
memories and it was a good opportunity for
self-reflection. (in their life, and also increased his or her value by
reflecting oneself.
First of all, a
gap-year gives opportunities to learn some valuable lessons and make wonderful memories. (as well as makes
unforgettable memories.) Most of the students who decided
to take a year off (had chosen to take of a year) spent their time (by)
working and traveling. (on part time jobs or
traveling.) (However, there are certain differences with that of college
students. 무슨 의미인지 모르겠네요.) Students who take a year off (the year) could be bolder, more passionate and more energetic. (and
passionate, somehow energetic.) Unlike students who
are currently in school, (university attenders,) they have a lot of time and energy to
concentrate on one thing. For example, one of my friends who took a gap year, ran a (had run ) food truck
and moved around multiple cities. If he was in school, (stuck by
classes or assignments,) his business would never be accomplished. He said that he had
learned important lessons about running a (regarding to the) business. Also,
my cousin took a year off and traveled (spent
the time traveling) around the world. She went to Africa and South America for
8 months. She met good friends whom she could rely on. She
even met her (Even her) fiancé (is the man she happened to know) during
the journey. Taking a year off (off the
year) certainly brought her a good memory.
Second, taking a year off (the year) can be
a wonderful time to reflect on oneself. Monks (스님 말씀하신 거 맞죠?)
or philosophers frequently isolate themselves from a
mundane society. They believe that throwing themselves into unfamiliar situations is the best way to be distant from others. (distance from oneself.)
Same thing happens when taking a (on the)
gap-year. Students who take this opportunity
(took of the year) can spend their time to reflect on
their personalities, strengths, or weaknesses.
Furthermore, since they have plenty of time than others,
they could focus on themselves. (it to
develop it.) According to Human Resource Management Committee, students who take a gap year are more attractive
candidates for employers. Therefore, taking a year off could be a
crucial opportunity to reflect on oneself. (by
giving a chance to reflect oneself.)
For these reasons, I
believe that taking a year off has a lot of
advantage. It not only gives personal good memories and lessons, but also
increases a person's values by giving a chance to reflect on
his or her characteristics.
Writing
Score (0-30): 20-21
Score
(0-5): 3.00-3.25
Grammar
& Feedback: 문법적 오류가 너무 많습니다. 문장을 조금 더 간결하게 쓰시면 의미 전달에 더 효과적 일 것 같습니다. 조금
더 설득력 있는 예시가 필요합니다. 수고하셨어요.
|