▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly,
friend relationships with friends plays
a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of places where they work or
play. Some people think that spending time with one or two friends is better
than with a large number of friends, while others do not. Both sides may have
their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I
would say that mingling with a variety of friends is more beneficial to people
to achieve their successes in lives life. There is a reason as follows.
To begin with, having
time with many friends of different backgrounds broadens people’s horizons.
Communicating with people from variety of
circumstances exposes them to different life styles, customs and cultures. Such
exposures are likely to help them acknowledge that different values exist to
understand these diversities and be ultimately comfortable with them. For
example, the Seoul Research Center found a huge
difference between two groups of young adults in abilities to in social networking. One
group consisted of those who had over 300 of the Facebook friends, and
the other group was made up of those who had fewer than 50 of the Facebook
friends. The researchers found that the former was more likely to have
be open-minded and kind to anyone. In
particular, the first group showed more acceptances when they got the
friends requests from foreign countries than the
latter group by 37 percent. On the other hands, the second group tended
not to accept friends requests from different countries from their nations.
This is because they wanted to share their
information only with a small number of their close friends. Also, they were
likely to be reluctant to share with foreigners their daily live postings on
the Facebook such as pictures, comments, and likes received from their friends.
However, the former group had a tendency to share their lives with more people,
so they got more chances to reduce prejudices from abroad foreign people and have more opportunities to improve
their social skills. This implies that interacting with many friends of
different cultural basis is the key to expand people’s mind. Without
socializing with a lot of friends, one would be
isolated. (페북을 예시로 사용하는 건 적절하지 않다고 생각합니다. 페북보단 더 객관적인 설문조사나 연구결과와 같은 예시들을 사용하시는 게 더 좋다고 판단됩니다.)
All things considered, more
networking with a large number of people is helpful to people’s daily lives in
enhancing their traits. All in all, I strongly believe that putting in time
with many of friends with lots of backgrounds is better in lives life. (400 words)
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
22 |
Overall
Comment: |
위에 지적을 해 드린 것처럼 예시가
아쉬웠습니다. '뻔한' 예시를 사용하기 싫어하시는 것 같지만, 그런 뻔한 예시를 재미있게 작성하시는 연습을 하시는 게 더 좋다고
생각합니다. 문법 오류들도 있으니 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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