▶ Your Answer : Some people think that we do not have to know other countries’ issues even if they have a direct effect on our society. However, in my opinion, this perspective is not true for two reasons. (this is not true라고 작성하기보단 we should pay attention to events regardless of the relevance of the issue with us because~ 처럼 좀 더 주제에 대한 본인 입장을 명료하게 작성하는 것이 좋습니다) First of all, we can learn many lessons from their events. In addition, concerns over other countries would be significant helps to them. To begin with, we would listen and watch their events from news and can have morals. The events that occurred in other countries can be happened in my country someday. Thus, we can prevent issues in advance by learning from other countries’ imitable points. To do these, we have to see how they cope with their problems and respond to them. For example, there was a big problem with Korean banks’ security program about 3 years ago. From this event, many countries reinforced their security programs. It means they got important lessons after paying attention to the issue of bank security in Korea. On top of that, attentions to countries who is going through tough events can console them. We can send many helpful messages to them through social media (sns는 콩글리시입니다) in short video formats. With our support, they can recover their physical and physiological scars. For instance, when I wan in middle school, there was a huge earthquake in Japan. Many Japanese died and got hurt after this event. Furthermore, they were physiologically traumatized because some of them lost their family members and friends. My friends and I made postcards that said ‘Pray for Japan’ and sold them to other students in school. As a result, we earned small amount of money and donated it to the organization helping Japanese to recover from earthquake. They really thanked us and were consoled by our campaign. Consequently, even if they are not big, consolations from others can be very helpful. To sum up, we can get teachings by seeing how they handle their events. Moreover, if we pay attention to them, they can overcome their situations. In this regard, I believe that we should care about other countries’ accidents even though they don’t influence on our lives directly.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 주제에 대한 이유 및 예시 사이 부연설명을 좀 더 구체적으로 해서 전체적인 흐름이매끄러울 수 있게 작성해주세요. |