▶ Your Answer : It is debatable weather university professor's most important responsibility is to conduct research. This is an intriguing intriquing question because considering opinions on this issue can be different relying on individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, university faculty should focus on educating educatiing students than performing research.This is largely due to the fact that education educating gives students opportunity to expand range of knowledge and role for increasing increases the rate of employment. 교수라는 직업이 갖는 main focus가 무엇인가를 묻는 문제이므로 '교수가 교육을 하면 좋은 점'을 설명하는 것은 논점에 맞지 않습니다. 교육이 왜 교수직의 주된 책임이라 생각하는지를 풀어가는 형태로 흐름이 잡혀야 적절할 것으로 보입니다. To begin with, students have right to learn a professional knowledge related to relating on their major from their professor, because they payed tuition fees for it. In addition, teaching major subject is an important role for professors to help students to build a basic logic, which will lead to the advanced step. Furthermore, a lot of companies company require people peole who have has understanding of fundamental knowledge knowlege to be used on the task in advance. For example, I majored in mechanic engineering in the university and expected fundamental knowledge to improve ability on my field. However, one of the professors kept focus on researching his field, and as a result, he neglected teaching to teach us on every class classes. Now, I work as an engineer, however but I have trouble with calculating certain tasks related to in his courses. If I had been was taught by curriculum from a professor in general iIt would have not been like this. happen. 문단의 요지가 불분명합니다. 교수의 의무가 연구보다 학생 교육에 있다고 보고 그것이 더 중요하다고 생각하는 이유를 한 가지로 정리해주세요. 현재 내용은 직업적인 부분/학생들이 돈을 내니까/학생들의 지식충족이 필요하니까 등 너무 여러 가지 내용이 열거되어 있어서 중심내용을 보여주기가 어려워요. 본론2처럼 좀 더 단순화해서 main idea한 가지에 설명과 사례를 연결하는 식으로 정돈해주세요.
On top of that, how faculty focus on educating their students has have a huge impact on rate of employment. The significant purpose of entering the university of to most of students is getting a job after graduating from university, and the educator's role is helping them to be prepared for obtaining their goal. In this sense, professors should keep giving expertise and motivating them. To illustrate, the university of Seoul conducted research regarding the fact that educating performance has have influence on students' getting entering a job. The result of research was that 190 of 200 respondents repondents agreed the statement. They thought that the more educated from professors they were, the more job opportunities opportunity they got get to apply for.
In this regard, I strongly believed that faculty should keep focus on educating more than conducting their own research field to develop students academic performance studying performacne and to increase the rate of employment.
Comment : 교수진의 역할을 학생과 연결지어서 풀어내는 것은 좋은 전략인 것 같아요. 다만 너무 많은 내용을 담아서 요지가 불분명하거나 '교수가 학생들을 잘 가르치면 좋은 점'을 보여주는 논조로 내용이 잘못 구성된 부분들은 좀 더 다듬어주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 오탈자와 문법오류가 많아 내용 전달력이 약하다는 점이 아쉬워요. 철자오류, 품사활용을 포함해서 정확하게 문장을 구사할 수 있도록 더 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |