▶ Your Answer :
It is controversial whether acquiring answers
from older people is better than from or
peers. In this regard, I believe that the advantage
of asking an advice from older people outweighs the advantage of
asking an advice from peers or friends. This
is because it
enables me to get their diverse experience and to
get a creative solution from the elderly’s eldery's
human network.
To begin with, older people have a lot of experience as they have lived
longer than me. So, I believe that they have experienced what I
haven't seen and what I would see. In other words, they can give me
broad lessons from their lives. For example, I usually go to my
mother for advice. Even if she has lived in a different era from me, as she has a
wide perspective of life, she normally gives me right answers whenever I ask something about my life. Once, I asked
her about my girlfriend because I wondered
how to get along with her. And she gave me a lot of advices and
I am still getting along with her. Therefore, I think
prefer to look for solution from older people when I have troubles.
Moreover, obtaining a wise wisdom
from older people makes me not only absorb their wise wisdom but also get a creative solution. To be
specific, ordinary, older people have wider human-networks surely
as they have lived a lot for a longer period and met various kinds of
people, in a business way or not, and then had chances to get along with people (문장이 매우 기니 중간에 한 번 끊어주세요). So if I ask older
people about what I have to do, even though they don't have knowledge in a certain field, they will kindly ask my
question to other people who are experts in that field and reply
me. For example, when I asked my mother whether I have had to attend my school's
transfer program, even though she didn't have knowledge about that, she asked
it to other people who have had experienced
transfer programs or lived in a foreign country and said me to do it. I
was afraid of leaving my country, but I believed my mother and I am waiting to
go abroad now. I think I will learn so many things. If it haven't hadn’t
been for my mother, I would never have decided to attend that program.
To sum up, I strongly argue that It is better to acquire
advices from older people for the following reasons: I can attain
a better experience and I can get an idea that I haven't thought about.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
21 |
Overall
Comment: |
문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을
참고하세요. 포인트를 잘 잡으셨고 예시도 좋습니다. 마지막 결론이 조금 아쉽습니다. 포인트는 나이가 많은 사람들에게 충고를 받으면 인맥을
통해서라도 좋은 정보를 얻을 수 있다, 였는데 결론에는 이게 명시가 되어있지 않습니다.
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