▶ Your Answer :
Some people might
think that science and technology should be improved to make people’s living
quality more better. However, in my opinion, science and technology have already significantly improved people’s living
quality. There are two reasons: Frist First,
we already could can get lots of
information easily. Second, we could can
go everywhere we want.
On top of that (이 표현보단 To start with와 같은 본문 시작을 알리는
표현들이 더 적절합니다.) , by using technology, we can
get information which we want anytime. This is due to the fact that there is
computer the development of computers. To
solve our problems, we just open our laptop and Google
about it. To explain, in the past, we had to go to the library to get
resources, but in these days, we could get a lot of information we want with
one mouse click. It is really convenient for us. For example, my friend wanted
to solve some problems on his assignments when
he was 14 years old. He usually had to go to the bookstore which was really far
from his house to find information about it. After Google
was established, he could get information to solve his own assignments with one
mouse click. For these reasons, we sufficiently use technology to improve our
lives’ quality.
In addition, we could
go everywhere anytime. In this world, traveling gives you a lot of experience
and you could expand your horizon of the world. This makes your lives’ life’s quality better. However, suppose that if there are
were not any transportation system. Would it be
possible that we could go abroad? The answer
will be “no”. The only key to go abroad would be through
locomotion technology. For example, it took more than 2 months to go to America from Korea. So one of my teachers couldn’t go abroad and enjoy her life. But after the establishment of airports
in our country, she could go travel around. After taking trips, she said her
life became more beautiful. In this story, her life quality improved by what the airplane brings about.
To sum up, technology gives us a lot of information
which we need easily. Moreover, it also make us go everywhere anywhere and get lots of beautiful experience. In this
regard, I firmly hold that our lives’ quality
changed to a better way by technology already.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
20 |
Overall
Comment: |
문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을
참고하세요. 포인트는 잘 잡으셨습니다. 하지만 짧은 문장들을 너무 많이 쓰시는 경향이 있으세요. Comma 와 같은 것들을 잘 활용하셔야
글의 흐름이 더 자연스러워 집니다. 문법 오류들도 많아서 감점을 드렸으니 확인해 주세요. |
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