Undoubtedly, enjoying leisure time is
plays a significant role in children’s daily lives in many of places where they
study or play. Some people think that parents should avoid letting children
watch television in order to encourage them to study harder. Both sides (한 쪽 입장만 명시하셨어요.) may have their own reasons to support their
views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that children are able to
concentrate on their study while watching television. There are two reasons as
follows.
To begin with, watching television can help
children improve their academic performance. Enjoying television enables them
to relax and recharge their batteries after a long day at school. When children
are recharged, they are likely to have more energy to put into studying and
being active. For example, Ipsos Korea Research found a huge difference between
two groups of young children in academic performance. One group was consisted
of those who watched television 2 hours before they
did their homework, and the other group was made up of
those who did their homework right after their school. The researchers found
that the former was more likely to have a higher improving improvement on their abilities to reason. In
particular, the first group showed a longer attention span, a stronger passion for their tasks, and completed their
homework faster than the second group. This implies that a diversion is
the key to success, academically and as well as professionally. Without
refreshing themselves, children would fall behind.
In addition, some children programs channels can teach kids with their educational programs. By watching these programs, children can actually
acquire a great deal of information and knowledge and this will have a positive
impact on their personal development. Let me bring up my brother’s story. My
brother was used to be selfish and lazy before he went to kindergarten.
After he went to preschool, he started to watch a
TV animation, called ‘Robo Poli’ aired by Educational Broadcasting System. The
animation was very popular among the preschoolers, and
most of kids wanted to be a man like
‘Poli’, the main character in the program. As time went by, he started to
imitate the character. Because of his hero ‘Poli’, he acted like his role model
and wanted to resemble his behavior, especially his good-nature and considerate
of mind. Now he was is the best children
in their elementary school, and he was awarded last month for his good behavior
for their his classmates.
All in all, watching television enables children to improving improve their academic performance as well as establishing
to establish their better personal
traits. All things considered, I strongly believe that parents should not
prevent their children from watching television for the purpose of promoting
their studies. (445words)
Writing 0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
25 |
Overall Comment: |
템플릿 활용이 매우 적절했습니다. 문법 오류들이 좀 있어서 감점을 드렸지만, 큰 오류들이 아니라 조금만 더 조심하시면 더 높은 점수를 획득하실 수 있을 겁니다. 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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