Recently, there can be lot of sights perspectives
about what we should buy if we have enough money to purchase either a house or a business.
People have conflicting ideas; while some people say that they would buy a
business, others would buy a house. From my
point of view, I am in agreement with the latter stand.
The first reason for my opinion is that purchasing a house is
less-risk-taking than purchasing a business. To
be specific, buying a business requires a very
huge initial cost. Although we have enough money to buy this, there is no
guarantee we can get the return. Rather, we can lose the initial cost that we
had already. Otherwise, if we purchase the house, we don't have to worry about
losing the initial cost at least. Of course there are several times that the
price of house declines would decline,
but it is not the ordinary case. Also, if we borrow the house to another
lend the house to others, we can get a stable income.
Another equally important reason is that superintending and administrating
a business requires not only many experiences and knowledge about the process
and structure, but also vast responsibility. If
we purchase a house, however, we don't have to
know lot of special skills or knowledge to administrate it. There are even
companies that manage assets like a house instead of me. It is being more easier than
before to control a lot of assets. (문단이 조금 짧습니다. 좀 더 많은 디테일로 글을 꾸며주세요.)
Looking at all the
statements above, there can be many points of view and reasons to be considered. But still, I
would rather choose to purchase the a house.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
23 |
Overall
Comment: |
잘 쓰셨어요. 논리적으로 설득력이
있고, 예시도 좋았습니다. 다만 글이 조금 짧아서 아쉬웠어요. 문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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