▶ Your Answer :
Some people might argue that teachers were are
much more appreciated and respected in the past. Because as in current society
people could learn easily from the Internet., such as wikipidia. However, Ccontrary
to this notion, I strongly believe that the value and necessity for of teacher is
keep increasing. This is mainly because the job related to teaching has very
assured stability. And citizens in current society are willing to learn.
To
begin with, it is apparent that teachers are able to continue their work before their
retirement. That is, teachers don’t have to look for other employment after one
semester. On the other hand, the other people, such as those who manage their one’s own
business, have everyday stress tied to their living. This is why many people
want to be a teacher and the value of teachers are keeping keeps rising. For example,
one of my friends wanted to be a pianist when she was young, but at some point,
she realized that this wouldn’t allow her to earn her livelihood after 10 years.
After that, she decided to be a teacher. And then she Now she says said she is perfectly
satisfied with her job and 2 month long vacation is really awesome. Moreover,
she is obviously convinced that she could teach the students more than 30
years. 직업/진로로서의 교사의 가치는 논점이 조금 달라요. 논제에서 묻는 것은 보편적으로 교사의 역할 자체가 사회/시대적으로 갖는 가치에 대한 것으로 이해하는 것이 더 적절해 보입니다. 현재 내용은 직업으로서의 '교사'라는 직종이 현대에서 각광받는 이유에 대한 설명이므로 교사/교육자의 가치에 대해 논하는 문제에서는 초점이 다릅니다.
On
top of that, current government all around the world started to invest lots of
money on education. 정부가 교육에 많이 투자하고 있다는 것은 '오늘날 여전히 (또는 더) 교사의 가치가 높이 평가되는 이유'가 될 수 없습니다. '정부가 교육에 많이 투자하는 것을 봐도 알 수 있다'하는 식으로 일종의 강조설명으로 활용될 수는 있지만 이 자체가 근거가 될 수는 없으므로 문두에 나오는 것은 어색할 수 있어요. And much of the citizens eager to learn. Therefore, it is not
a coincidence that the necessity for teachers keep increasing. From my experience,
when I was in high school, in my town, parents and elderly were are really much focusing
on education. Tthey encouraged us to learn enthusiastically. And my generations
were influenced by this trend. We are still willing to learn. And most of my friends
admired our teachers. Because because they knew a lot of things about society, science
and mathematics. We always wanted to be like our teachers.
To
sum up, people’s desire to learn leads to respect for the people who are teaching.
Also, because of the stable trait of teacher many young people want to be a
teacher. In this regard, I firmly believe that today teachers are pretty well
valued than ever before.
Comment : 교사에 대한 가치평가라고 하면 교사의 '역할'에 좀 더 초점이 가는 편이 좋을 것 같습니다. 인기있는 직종이라는 설명은 논제에서 의도한 바와는 조금 다른 방향일 수 있을 것 같아요. 문장에서 주술호응과 시제 관련 오류가 두드러지는 편이니 이 부분 중점적으로 체크하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. (because는 접속사이므로 because절만 문장으로 사용될 수 없고 주절이 함께 수반되어야 합니다.) 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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