▶ Your Answer :
Many changes have taken place in society and it seems as if the society is constantly
changing in a blink of an eye. However, as always, everything has both pros and cons, and the
development has changed peoples’ attitudes toward the parents’ reaction when their children make
mistakes. The majority of people think (operate on short-sighted and illogical assumptions) that parents should
not let children (to) make mistakes and help them to be perfect. (make them to stay perfect.) However, this notion is complete nonsense
when considering the other side of a coin. In my understanding, making mistakes
and learning from them (their on mistakes) is very important for children and parents should
allow it to happen. (The succeeding viewpoints are founded upon the following
scheme.)
The first and the foremost reason is that if parents keep preventing their children from making mistakes, they cannot learn to
become independent. (take care about their children’s
mistakes they cannot grow up independently.) Every human being, including a child is not perfect and it is normal to make
some mistakes. However, if parents want to stop their children from making (to make) mistakes and try to correct
and control (the mistakes just before children make) them, the children will
keep relying on their parents when (if) something (wrong) happens. This will only make them dependent. (grow up with lack of independency.)
They will continuously need someone to rely on. (make up for them even if they become an adult. )
What is more compelling (ground) is that
it is important for children to learn from their mistakes because it can be much more helpful for them. Learning
form their own mistakes is much more effective (rather) than learn from indirect experiences. (the other source
like books and account of others.) To be specific, most of schools provide hands-on learning experiences such as science experiments. By actually doing so, students can learn
more about the subject and it lasts longer in their memory. (like experiment for students when they learn about science or art
because doing by theirselves provide much chance to remember more and
understand more.) Therefore, if children try to fix their own mistakes and learn from them, they will be more
independent. (make mistakes and let them try to fix
and make it right by theirselves, the amount of lesson they learn form it will
become increase. )
For the reasons I mentioned above, (From
the above substantiation and assessment,) it is true that (the fact that)
parents should let their children (to) make mistakes. (and make up for their
mistakes is truth and simply, not opposable at all.) It will let them learn and help them to be more responsible. (Not only, letting children to make mistakes is important for making them
to grow up independently, but also, learning from their own mistakes is very
helpful for children.) Therefore, I strongly
believe that making mistakes and learning from them is good for children. (nothing in my mind regarding the previous issue overweights the idea
stated above.)
Writing
Score (0-30): 18-21
Score
(0-5): 2.75-3.25
Grammar &
Feedback: 문법적인 오류와 문장의 구성에 좀 더 신경
쓰세요. 좀 더 설득력 있는 글이 되려면 예시가 필요 합니다. 수고하셨어요.
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