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┼ ▨ 첨삭 안해주셔서 다시 올립니다. - 첨삭에 목마른자 ┼
첨삭을 안해주셔서 다시 올립니다.. 첨삭해 주세요 부탁이에요.
Korea is <a> small country, but has a lot of beautiful places who a foreign visitor spend time to enjoy. I have same problem like recommending the best place to my foreing friends. In many excellent places, I recommend Cheju island
=> Korea is a small country, it, however, has a lot of beautiful places which many foreigners visit. Among many excellent places, I usually recommend my foreign friends to visit Cheju island.
First of all, I recommend my foreign friend <to visit> Cheju island because Cheju has wonderful nature such as mountains, beaches, falls, parks and forests. I have been Cheju island for a year and felt that Cheju is <a> beautiful place. Cheju island is locate<d> in southern Korea sea, so cheju island has mild and warm (l) weather(=> climate) like Hwaii island. Cheju has Mt Halla which is the highest in Korea and Mt.Sungsan who(=>which) has beautiful sunrising(=>sunrise). When I was in Cheju, I used to ciimb(=>climb) Mt Hanlla and Mt Sunsang to enjoy Sunrising(=>sunrise). Chejeyun fall is also <a> beatiful place. It is not <a> large fall, but has mysteriuos legend that nymphs used Chejeyun fall to bath. Cheju has curios flowers which people did not have seen(=> people have never seen before). Because Cheju has beatiful nature, a foreign<er> will enjoy <oneself> in Cheju island.
<..>는 추가 (..)는 삭제 (=>..) 수정
weather 날씨 / climate 기후
enjoy oneself 즐기다. enjoy는 타동사
Second, Cheju has many actities and event for visitor to engage in on Cheju island.(=> Second, Cheju has many activities and events to attract many visitors.) Papdong(=>Tapdong) park has a lot of actities(=> activities) such as concert, basketball, and soccer with seaside(=>concerts and games including basketball and soccer on seaside). In spring, I enjoyed <a> concert and <a> dance party in Tapdong park. One of the specail(=>special) actiivities(=>activities) is <a> scuba diving. Cheju has well preserved(=>well-preserved) sea enviroment, so a visitor will enjoy outstanding visibilty like tropical fish.(=>so a visitor will enjoy outstanding scenery; he or she may especially like to see sorts of tropical fish.) Likewise, he <or she> can go riding <a> horse, fishing, golfing. Cheju has a lot of activities, so I want(=> would like) to recommend a foregin visitor (to visit) Cheju island.
Based on the above statement mentioned(=>Based on the statements mentioned above), it can be concluded that I would recomment(=>recommend) a foreign visitor to spend <the time> in Cheju island. Cheju has many beautiful and conserved nature such as beach<s>, mountain<s>, fall<s,> and park<s>. There is(=>are) many activities and events in Cheju island. If he or she visit<s> in(삭제) Cheju, they(단수가 복수로?) will have a good time which they never forgets.(=> If foreingers visit Cheju island, they would never forget the memory that they enjoyed themselves in Cheju.)
첨삭 부탁해요 플리즈..
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잘 읽었습니다.
제가 고친게 다 맞다는 보장은 없어요. ^^;;
만약 위와 똑같이 오타와 함께 제출되었으면 한 3점 정도 될까요?