▶ Your Answer :
Deciding
how universities spend their money is important because it affects students'
growth and development extensively. Some people thinks think that universities should
spend money more on sports as they do on libraries. However, I believe that it
is improper for them to use the money on sports for the following reasons.
First, sports are not essential elements of universities. Second, universities
can utilize the money for other better ways.
To
begin with, the sports is not the one of the are not the most important parts of
universities, but just small thing needed for students' quality of life in
universities. The foremost part of universities is learning, so this is why
many universities spend a lot of money on their libraries. In the capitalistic
society, the amount of invested money is exactly same to an importance. In
other words, the more important, the more money will be invested. In this
regard, the argue that universities should spend as much money on sports as
they do on libraries can be translated to the state that sports are as
important as libraries are in universities. However, it is simply wrong. Sports
in universities are subordinate parts in universities with less importance than
libraries. In this regard, I strongly believe that universities do not have to
spend a lot of money on sports.
On
top of that, it is not the best way to improve a quality of life of students in
universities. Many supporters to the suggested idea contend that sports are the
best way to help students to enjoy the better lives in universities. So, they
argue that universities should spend much money on sports as they do on
libraries. However, I think it is not the best way to improve students' lives.
For example, universities can use the money to build more dormitories. This
will let a lot of students be able to live in universities, so improve their
lives. Furthermore, many facilities such as cafeteria, student service centers,
or convenience stores can be erected or reformed instead of investing to
sports. These facilities help students enjoy their school lives much better.
Therefore, I believe that there is no preeminent reason for universities to
spend a lot of money on sports.
In
short, not only are sports subordinate part in universities, but also
universities can spend money to other ways instead of investing to sports.
Therefore, it is not good idea let universities spend as much money on sports
as they do on libraries. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 대채로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 보는 것은 본인의 에세이를 통하여서 상대방을 설득 할 수 있냐 인데 이 에세이는 이러한 면에 있어서 아주 적합하게 에세이를 서술하신 거 같습니다. 각 바디의 예시나 설명들이 이유를 구체적으로 잘 서포트 하고 있습니다. 하지만 이 에세이에서 문제가 되는것은 약간 문장들이 내용없이 생각의 흐름대로 서술된 거 같습니다. 따라서 장황한 부분이 노출 되었습니다. 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |