▶ Your Answer :
Some people may think that paying higher salaries to professors is contributing to students' academic growth. However, when it comes to the quality of education, it is not directly helpful for two reasons. First, giving higher salaries doesn't improve each professor's professors' abilities. Second, it is more important to spend money (for) developing educational environment.
To begin with, improving professors' situational conditions for research, studying, and teaching students should be a priority for better education. Professors' are always suffering from the lack of time because they are in charge of a lot of workload. They should study their own works , proceed quite many projects, manage their labs and teach students. In other words, it is hard for them to concentrate solely on teaching students, and it hinders improvement of the quality of education regardless of their great abilities. 주제에서 묻는 '봉급'과 관련된 내용이 필요한데, 단순히 교수는 일이 많아서 teaching에 신경쓰기 힘들다는 내용만을 설명하는 것은 논점에 맞지 않습니다. 사례 제시 이전에 설명 부분에서도 봉급을 올리는 게 소용이 없다는 점에 초점을 두고 풀어주세요. For example, my major professor was one of the greatest scholars in his field, management, but he was always busy with from university's works . He took the charge of lots of parts of management of the school, and was tired tiresome whenever he gave a lecture. Even though he got quite high salaries, he was always sorry for not having a lot of time with students.
On top of that, spending money for developing library, working on important projects, and improving equipments and facilities will be more beneficial for students. To be specific, students learned from not only the lectures, but various activities such as joining lab experiences or global programs. By providing myriad of environments to be able to experience, universities can improve the education level for students. According to one survey conducted by a group of researchers of Korea University, over 60% of the graduates as respondents cited that they learned from diverse types of actual activities more than lectures. They also said that those memories helped them to develop their specialties in virtually. 논제가 묻는 것은 학생들에게 좋은 교육이 무엇인지가 아닙니다. 교수의 봉급을 올리는 것이 '왜' 교육의 질을 개선하는 데 도움이 되지 않는지를 설명해야 하므로 교수의 봉급이 본론의 main keyword가 되도록 해서 내용을 풀어주어야 합니다.
To sum up, poor conditions of professors' is a hindrance for teaching their students. Also, it is more crucial for universities to make an effort to give better educational environments. In this regard, paying higher salaries to professors is not the greatest way to improve the quality of education.
Comment : 주제가 묻는 직접적인 요소-교수 봉급 인상-가 글의 main topic이 되도록 유지해주세요. 현재 글은 교수 봉급을 올리는 것이 교육 개선에 도움이 된다고 보지 않는 이유가 아니라, 대학에서 교수의 수업 질이 좋지 않은 이유와 학생들이 수업 외에 어떤 부분에서 도움을 받는지에 대한 설명을 나열하고 있기 때문에 논점에 맞지 않는 답안으로 보일 가능성이 있습니다. 주제 반영도를 더 높여서 글의 흐름을 다시 만들어보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) |