■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : A budget deficit occurs when the government spends more than it taxes. To overcome this problem, the government needs to reduce the amount of money it pays. Which of the following do you think the government should decrease its spending on? Art Parks Public transit |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people
might say that the government should decrease its spending on parks or public
transit. However, in my opinion, the government has to reduce the amount of
money it pays on the art. There are two reasons for this. The people who appreciate
art are not common and art requires a lot of money.
Firstly, the number of people who
enjoy art is lower than that of those who get benefit from parks or pubic transit. To be
specific, art is just one kind of hobbies. While parks and public transit could
offer different kinds of advantages to various people, those who would be happy
for investment on art are just a few people who love art. For instance, when I
went to an art gallery with my mother last weekend, she really enjoyed the time in
there since she loves art. However, as I am not that interested in art, it
seemed to be just a waste of money and time to be in there. In contrast with
this, we agreed that we both love parks and public transit.
Secondly, the government has to
pay a lot to maintain art activities. In other words, it is not an efficient way to use money (taxes). Usually it is very expensive to rent or buy masterpieces of
artists to keep them in local museums. The government also has to maintain the building and hire art technologists. For example, according to financial
statics of the annual use of money by French government published in 2011, the total amount of money spent for maintenance and support for art was 1.5 times
more expensive than that for parks and 4 times more than that for public
transit. It clearly shows that the government can save much more money by decreasing
its effort on art.
To sum up, only a few people who value the government's effort for art. Moreover, it costs a lot of money to increase activities on art. For
these reasons, I strongly believe that the government should reduce its investment on art rather than on public transit and parks.
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점수: 23/30
1. 첫번째 인트로 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 파란색 글씨가 철자오류입니다. 상당히 많습니다. 다 쓰시고 꼼꼼히 검토하시는 습관을 길러주세요.
3. 첫번째 바디에서 park와 public transit의 advantage를 추가해주세요. (디테일 추가)
4. 문법에서는 관사와 (a, the) 비교급 쓰실 때 (that of~) 이런 식으로 병렬 만들어 주시는 연습을 좀 더 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*