These days, job
market is considerably tough for students in South Korea. Most of the college
seniors study all day long in a library to get a decent job after graduation. Because
of this, universities try to improve their school library facilities. However,
in my opinion, sports are no less important than libraries y in a college. That
being said, I agree that universities should spend money on sports as they do on libraries.
To begin with, sports
play an important role in promoting students’ physical health. As we all know,
health is the most significant part in our lives, especially, for students who
study hard. For example, if a student is physically weak, he cannot concentrate
on his studies. Therefore, students should consider exercise to be a critical part
of their school life and do work out regularly. In my case, I entered into a
law school last year. However, unfortunately, I could not continue my studies,
because my physical strength extremely declined. Even though I tried to work out
at times, there was no suitable fitness facilities on campus. Hence, I had always
difficulty with doing exercise. Finally, I had no choice but to take a leave of
absence from the school for relaxing. At that time, I realized the fact that ‘lose
your health, you lose everything.’
On top of that, the
purpose of the university is not only to give an academic program, but also provide
a whole-person education. The whole-person education contains a physical
education. Through the whole-person education, students can gain confidence, patience,
cooperative spirit, sociality skills at a gym, as well as knowledge in a class.
I think that one of the significant elements of the whole-person education is
sports. Sports is a great way to improve all of these things. For instance, my
university provide a sports climbing for students as an elective course. A
number of students do like taking this course because it helps them to promote their
physical strength, patience, confidence, and it gives as well as give pleasure to them. They also learn a
lot and receive great impetus from other athletic students who have a variety
of backgrounds and interests.
To sum up, sports
is a vital element of the whole-people education and a part of
study. By doing sports activities, students can concentrate on their studies better and
ultimately they can land a better job. In this regard, it is a great idea that
school should provide as much funding on sports as they do on libraries.
Good (24–30)
전체적으로 잘 쓰셨습니다. 문법 조금 신경써주세요.
또한, 예시가 둘다 personal experience 입니다. 하나 이하로 줄여주시고 적어도 하나는 객관적 예시를 써주시면 글의 설득력이 더 높아집니다.
수고하셨습니다~