It is often said that those who make others happy are more likely to be happy themselves. I strongly support the this idea of that. This is because people are easily affected from other people's feeling and someone building good relationship with others through transferring positive message are enable to keep their lives more vividly.
To begin with, making other people enjoyable helps people to feel happy. Usually, (에세이 주제를 다시 반복하지 말고 바로 근거로 들어가세요.) feeling is easily infected easily by others without much efforts. If you spend time with someone who are really happy now, it will make you feel good as well. According to a studies study, a person gave a positive feedback to a woman sitting next to him then she reacted more friendly to him. So, the man could feel more comfortable within their conversation vice versa. It shows that a person who makes others feel comfortable is likely to receive friendly reaction from others and it brings good emotional effect.
(두 point 사이에 문단을 구분해주세요.)
On top of that, those affecting giving positive influence to others are much more likely to build healthy relationships than those giving negative impact to others. and it influences themselves whether they feel good or not. (어떤 의도인지를 알 수 없습니다.) Through positive relationship with others, we can relieve our stresses. For instance, guess the situation without stresses, this is because people talk each other positively and it helps them to build good relationship. (어떤 의도인지도 잘 알 수 없고 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 이 point에 대해서 글쓴이의 입장이 무엇이고 그게 왜 그렇게 되는지를 좀 더 설명을 해주세요.)
To sum up, because people can be influenced emotionally by others and making people others feel happy affects to helps develop relationship with them others, it is important for people to give positive impacts to others to become happy. In this regard, I think that making other people happy is the easiest way to become happy.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (21-22)
TOEFL Independent Writing은 최소 300자 이상을 요구합니다. (현재 273자) 지금 두 번째 point가 거의 설명이 되지 않고 있는데, 이 부분을 좀 더 충실하게 설명하면 분량은 저절로 채워지겠습니다.
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