▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that parents should not let their
children watch television to encourage them to study harder. However, I
personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. First,
watching television is a good way to refresh children’s minds. Second, some TV
programs include educational content.
To begin with, it makes the children’s minds refreshed to watch
television. Children today are under a lot of pressure and stress due to the
competitiveness of today’s society. As a result, they especially need time to
be refreshed by taking a rest such as watching TV. It will provide children
with fresh minds that will help them to do better in school and their works.
Taking my personal experience as an example of this, when I was a high school
student, my parents let me watch an hour of television in the evenings. After
watching television, I felt refreshed and was able to concentrate on my
homework and studies better. I still think that this was the reason that I
consistently got good grades in school.
On top of that, some television programs are educational. Therefore,
children can actually acquire a great deal of information and knowledge by
watching these programs. These programs will have a positive impact on their
academic development. According to the research done by Stanford University in
the United States, the researchers tracked s the television viewing habits of 200
children over three years period. What they found was that children who had
watched TV for two hours a day had ve more expanded knowledge in a range of
subjects and developed academic skills. This is because the children who
watched TV regularly were as able to take a lot of information than children who
did not. This clearly shows that watching television has ve a lot of educational
factors.
In conclusion, watching television allows children to relieve their
stress, and some television programs have educational value. In this regard, I
hold that parents should not prevent their children from watching television to
promote their studies.
Good (24–30)
전체적으로 내용/예시 다 괜찮으십니다. 자잘한 문법 실수, 특히 두번째 본문에 좀 있으시네요. United States 뒤에 s 꼭 붙이셔야 합니다. 또한, 뒤에서 두번째 문장에서 children을 받으니까 were로 하셔야 하구요. 마지막 문장에서 watching이 주어니까 has 로 바꿔주셔야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다~
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