▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that universities have to support much financially aspect to physical and sport departments. However, in my opinion, colleges and universities should more assist with library and other academic department than sport department. This is because the most students are in inactive classes instead of active classes, and it is very expensive to build several facilitiesy regarding sport.
To begin with, most students’ major is ordinary and academic such as mathematics, science, and history. This is why universities also have related classes and structures. However, the percentage of students attending sport class is relatively low. Therefore, offering economic supports aspect towards sport department is unnecessary. In order to reflect modulate many students’ demand, school should more give more financial support into academic class such as library. Actually, lots of universities in Korea have this phenomenon. They use much money to build libraries y and buy many books for students who take a academic class because these students offer approximately 85% money annually.
On top of that, although maintenance fee of a library expense of library’s establishment is low, expense of gym or other sport center is very expensive. This is because gym should buy many fitness equipments with which have high cost. When considering efficiency, this aspect can make the university to only assist with the library. For instance, when I was a freshman, my school built extremely expensive and big gym. At first, students, especially students who took a sport class felt happy. However, after several months, they had to should have offered more support fund toward their school because of maintenance managemental cost of expensive fitness equipments.
To sum up, the most students take the academic class in their school such as science, math, and art. And the cost of establishment of sport institution is very expensive. In this regard, I strongly disagree with the following statement that university should give much money to sport department as much as library.
Fair (17-23) 문법 실수 많으십니다. financial aspect는 경제적인 측면이라는 뜻으로 서론 첫번째의 문맥에는 맞지 않는 표현입니다. general한 얘기를 하실 때 복수가 general 하므로 복수 표기를 해주세요. 단수로 표기하시고 싶으시더라도 단수 표기 (a class, a library, a facility, 등등 표기 해주세요) 첫번째 본문에서 설명 부분이 같은 내용을 반복하고 있습니다. 차라리 예시를 들어주시면 설득력이 높아집니다. 두번째 본문에서 관리 비용은 maintenance fee/cost/ 으로 써주세요. it costs much more money to build a gym than a library 처럼 좀더 간단할 수도 있는 표현이지만 정확히 써주는 것이 더 좋습니다. should have offered 는 가정법으로 '그들은 그랬어야 했다 (하지만 실제로 그러지 않음)' 입니다. 실제로 돈을 냈으니 그냥 과거형으로 써주세요. 내용 측면에서 반복되는 설명 줄여주시고 예시 첨가해주시고, 문법실수, 매끄러운 표현 더 연습해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~ |