There might be some people who believe that parents should prevent children from making mistakes. However, in my opinion, parents should let their children make mistakes for two reasons. First, children cannot correct their problems if they do not realize them by themselves. Second, the relationship with parents gets worse if parents warn their children not to make mistakes.
To begin with, children can learn how to solve their problems themselves by mistakes. Through this, they can easily solve the same problems later. Skeptics of my main line of argument may argue that this reason does not sound like a reasonable position at first sight. Nevertheless, to their dismay, there exists an abundance of examples that substantiate my claim. Here is one of them; when I was in middle school, I was addicted to computer games. My parents forced me to participate in other various activities. First they enrolled me in mathematics and English language courses. On weekends, they went to art galleries and museums with me. During vacations, we spent time at various local festivals. As I enjoyed diverse activities, I spent less time playing computer games. Sadly, however, I was still engaged in computer games all day long, when my parents were not present. Later, when I saw my transcripts, I realized that something was wrong. At that time, I decided not to play games.
On top of that, parents' intervention ruins their relationship between them and with their children. Children do not like other's advice about their mistakes or behavior. The representative case that I narrated above is not the only evidence to support my view. In a study conducted recently, a significant majority of survey participants endorsed my point of view that parents' intervention spoils the relationship with children. A girl in the second year of high school answered in the interview that if her teacher or parents criticize her for her problems, she becomes rebellious. She added that if this happens over and over, she does not even want to talk with them anymore. A mother of two sons responded that it takes time, and more trial and error to let her children realize their problems on their own. She added that nevertheless, trust is built between parents and their children and they feel closer to each other. This clearly shows that parents should not prevent children from making mistakes.
In conclusion, preventing children from making mistakes not only divest children's learning opportunities, but also worsen the relationship with parents. For these reasons, I strongly believe that children should not be prevented from making mistakes from parents.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (27-29)
매우 잘 쓴 글입니다. 두 point를 잘 설정하고 논리적으로 잘 설명했습니다. 다만 어색한 표현이 몇 가지 있거나, 문법 면에서 실수가 있어서 본문에 수정했으니 참고하세요.