▶ Your Answer :
Some
people argue that take it for granted that it is unfair for athletes and entertainers to
make a huge amount of money per year. However, in my opinion, it is reasonable
for celebrities the famous ones to earn millions of dollars every year. The rationale
behind this is that although they always have to do their best in the job, our
economy benefits from their works greatly.
Admittedly,
renowned people, entertainers, make a lot of fortune these days, when compared
to others. To be more specific, world stars ranging from singers to actors talents
tend to have much more good-looking appearances and beautiful voices than
normal people do, which pays brings them for a great amount of money. On the other hand,
the a large number of people get paid for only minimum wages or so. Thus, these
people might think it is unfair for them. For example, Suzi, a Korean singer
famous for her sexy body shape and charming voice, earned a lot of money by having
a smartphone advertisement on TV. The only thing she did for making the money
was to spend several hours taking the commercial film. Had it not been for her
inborn talents, it would be impossible to be rich without endeavor.
However,
famous athletes can give the society great economic benefits. This is because a
sport player in one of professional soccer teams or a boxer in a champion
league is highly prone to influence on people. Thus, if a company uses his or
her image onto its brand, this will make sales skyrocketed rapidly and bring
more additional tax revenue for the government. For instance, there is a coffee
franchise, Maxim which is one of the most famous food brands in Korea. The company
had reported low annual incomes spanning from 1990 to 2010 to the Korean stock
market. Most business experts said that the sluggish incomes were due to turned out the
company’s weak brand image. Thus, it is natural that few customers know about
its products. However, these days, the company has raised its profits since
2011. This is because of making a commercial film for the coffee franchise with
Yuna Kim, a world-class skater and a medal winner golden medallion in several Olympics.
Without Yuna’s help, hundreds of thousands buyers still would never known the
company and its sales might still have been in trouble.
On
balance, although some think it is unreasonable for famous athletes and
entertainers to make great fortune without working hard, I strongly believe
that this is acceptable because they bring tremendous economic values for our
society.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16) Fair (17-23)
Good (24–30) ✓
질문에서 요구한 것은 찬성/반대 입장을 피력하는 것이므로 사실상 본론1의 내용은 불필요합니다. 본론1에서 설명하는 것은 필자의 입장과 반대되는 내용이므로 구체적으로 서술하더라도 논점을 흐리는 요인이 될 수 있어요. 서론에서 간단하게 이러이러하게 생각하는 사람들이 있지만 내 입장은 이렇다, 라고 밝혔으니 주장을 하나 더 생각해서 본론1 대신에 넣는 편이 좋을 것 같다는 생각도 들어요. 필자 입장에 대한 근거가 여러 개일수록 더 논리가 강해지니까요. 수고 많으셨습니다~! |