▶ Your Answer :
Everyone might have heard the word, “Global village” at least once. This means that current people became much closer, so the world
became smaller. Unlike the past time, we have no more barrier to communicate
with people from other countries. Plus, we can easily get access to issues all
over the world. Therefore, I believe that life is more comfortable and
easier these days compared to life of old generations. Following are the
reasons why I support the statement. ^
First, technology has been
developed rapidly in a few decades so that people could live more comfortable
life. Especially in business, people became able to have a meeting with people
in far distance, which save a lot of time to make an appointment and meet at a
specific place. Furthermore, they could share their materials with coworkers
whenever they want and wherever they are located. Compared to the past when it
took a lot of time to send a letter and get a reply, it is comfortable and easy
to communicate with others. ^
On top of that, the
development of public transportation offers a service that helps people feel
comfortable. In a few decades, transportation has been developed from train to
airplane. These became an important part for our daily life as we move to
another place with this transportation. Now, transportation offers comfortable
seatings and frequent service time. Therefore, people can easily be easy to commute to
remote places in relatively short time. ^
To conclude, with developed
technology, life became more comfortable and easy. Where people are located
does not matter any more. People can move with public transportation in short
time. Furthermore, with high-speed internet people are able to access
information which they want and share it with others.
Fair (17-23) 서론이 긴 것에 비해 본문들의 길이가 짧습니다. 서론은 간단하게 쓰고 본문들에 더 시간을 할애해주세요. 내용적으로, 본문 1과 본문 2의 내용 차이가 크지 않습니다. 둘다 멀리 있는 사람과 소통 가능하고 장거리를 단시간에 갈 수 있다 입니다. 좀더 상이한 내용을 쓰시면 설득력이 더 높아질 것입니다. 또한, 특정 예시들을 들어주시면 글의 설득력도 높아지고 본문의 길이도 길어질 것입니다. 또한, 결론에 high-speed internet이라고 썼는데 본문 1에는 technology라고 인터넷/또는 다른 기술들을 암시하는 표현으로만 쓰였습니다. internet이라고 더 specific하게 쓰시면 본문 2와도 내용차이가 더 나고 내용도 더 풍부해질 것 같습니다. 혹은 예시로 인터넷의 발달을 쓰셔도 좋습니다. 과거에 비한 현재니까 과거와의 비교도 더 나와야 글의 설득력이 높아집니다. 문법과 문장들을 괜찮습니다. 내용면에서 많이 연습해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~
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