Some people think that it is not unnecessary for them to attend university due to live a better life. However, in my opinion, people need to get college instruction education to have a more meaningful life. This is because people who graduated university have higher salaries. In addition, people can get to know social have various experience at university.
To begin with, people who graduated the university live in a more wealthier environment than those who did not. People who finished the college get higher pay than those who don’t do not (앞 문장의 단순 반복이 아닌지?). Evidence for comes from a study by Labor Pay Department. According to one of their studies, more than 80 percent of companies surveyed reported that they spend more money for them who graduated from university than those who do did not. Similarly, the study showed that people generally received higher pay when they have had a degree. Based on this study As this study shows, people will get more money as well as be more productive when they have graduated university.
On top of that, people can get to know social have experience which cannot be found outside of university. (‘경험’은 ‘아는’ 것이 아니죠. 동사-목적어가 서로 어울리지 않습니다. 그리고 사회 경험은 사회에서 찾아야지 ‘사회 경험’을 위해서 대학에 진학해야 한다는 건 말이 좀 이상하지요?) In university, people meet variety person various people and go through interesting events before don’t which they have never seen before. Let me explain my views on this. I’ll I will take my personal experience as an example. When I was fresh men a freshman I meet met new friends. One of my friends had higher self-confidences and I thought that she was very cool (구어체). Also, in this time, I go went through several events such as group meeting, university festival and sports day. I found that it was very interesting and helped me learn so many things.
To sum up, people who graduated from college have higher pay and can get variety social various experience. For these reasons, I think that it is very important for them to graduated university in order to to live a better life.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (17-20)
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