▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who think that being able to work
with other people is not that critical. However, I personally disagree with the
above idea. Rather, as today’s problems are so complexed than ever before that
one cannot solely solve them, being able to work with others is more critical
than it was before. Working with others enables people to strengthen competitiveness
and broaden perspective. ^
To begin with, one who is able to work with others can strengthen
competitiveness. Problems we faced these days require much knowledge in various
fields that one person cannot have. Therefore, it is necessary to have the
ability to work with people who have needed knowledge. According to an article from
The Economist published recently, most senior executives at leading
corporations stated that the key to their success was their ability to work
with others. They added being able to work with others is regarded more highly
now than in the past because today’s tasks cannot be resolved by one individual’s
talent, and rather must be processed with the advice and help of others. This
clearly shows that the ability to work with people can help strengthen one’s
competitiveness. ^
On top of that, working with others can enhance people to
broaden perspective. Working with others means sharing others’ views. In problem
solving process, they can expand their perspective sharing and reviewing
various ideas. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. Once, I was
struggling with a math problem to figure out a formula to use. A friend of mine
came to me and asked what I was doing. I openly discussed what my problem was,
and he gave me another way to solve the problem. It was just putting some
numbers to the problem instead of applying a certain formula. This event gave
me an opportunity to broaden my perspective: when it is hard to find an answer,
think it in a totally different way.! ^
In conclusion, working with others help people enhance
competitiveness and broaden perspective that are required to resolve today’s
complicated problems. Therefore, I strongly believe that being able to work
with other people is more critical than it was before.
Good (24–30)
잘 쓰셨습니다. 자잘한 문법 실수 유의해주세요. 문단도 단락별로 띄어 주세요. 느낌표나 물음표는 웬만하면 안쓰시는 것이 좋습니다. 첫번째 본문에서 competitiveness와의 연결이 모호합니다. 그것에 대해 좀더 설명을 해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~ |