▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that parents
should let their children to do what they like want to do if they wanted to inspire children to
study hard. However, in my opinion, parents have to intervene in their children’s lives. This is
because that a good habit
formed from early childhood the early habit of children is important and children are dependent on their parents have little independence ability. (Bit weak thesis) To begin with, the a habit of children which was made from younger age when they were young can last for a long time. What it means is that it is really hard to fix the bad habit
when people get older. So, the bad habit would interpret the children’s
study in the future. (Awkward sentence) I will
illustrate my friend’s story as an example. When he was a elementary school student, he was much fond of games. So he always did
games without noticing anyone
coming in to his room. even if
his friends came to the house, not playing with friends. To put it frankly,
he was addicted to the games them. At first, his parents allowed did not inhibit him to play games because it
would be good to let him do what he wants everything
himself, but after time and time, they realized that it was really they were wrong. Not only his parents but also many friends and teachers advised
him to stop playing games because it prevented him from studying exam subjects.
Even now, he could not root out playing games. This example shows that the
habit which made in early age would not change easily. On top of that, students cannot do
work independently. They need parent’s help to do many things such as knowing
the way to ride a bus or subway. (Give more examples) In addition, they don’t know how
to learn and how to act properlyare not familiar to studying, so parents should teach about it. For example, a study was conducted by
Seoul University to determine whether parent’s interference would affect
child’s eating habits. The researchers tracked the 200 citizens who got have been married with having
child and had one man
or woman child of Seoul over 3 months. What they found was intriguing. The
children who were taken care
of by their parents parents
took care of having
meals had better eating habits than those who were did not. The former group of children knew how to grab chopsticks properly and use it, but the latter
group did not. This study shows that the children require parents to work
effectively.
In a nutshell, it is not excellent
way for children to let them do something themselves. In this regard, I firmly
believe that if parents wanted to stimulate children to study hard, they should
not wait for the time that children study independently.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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2
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3
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2
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2
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Score
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Limited 17-18
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어법에 맞지 않고, 의미가 어색한 구문들과 topic 에서 벗어난 weak thesis가 가장 큰 문제라고 볼 수 있어요. Watching TV에 대한 언급은 전혀 제시가 되어 있지 않네요.
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