▶ Your Answer :
A thought provoking current issue concerns whether governments have to invest in developing medical technologies or in improving public transportation. Some people assert that governments should contribute more to improvement in to improve public transportation rather than to development in develop medical technologies. However, in my opinion, governments should invest more in enhancing medical technologies.
To begin with, finding and applying nouveau (What is it?) medical technologies is a difficult process. (So that?) There has been constant pressures to find innovative medical technologies needed to fight against diseases that have not discovered in the past. But unfortunately, lots of capitals and times are needed to find out and introduce innovative medical technologies. In this situation, governments can help medical fields concentrate on developing medical technologies. If governments give financial supports or non-financial supports to medical fields, they would be able to focus on researching budding medical technologies effectively while also they are concentrating on their important duty, to take care of patients.
On top of that, improving public transportation is not emergent than focusing on developing medical technologies. Not a few people are dying due to the lack of effective medicines or medical treatments. (What are you going to talk about?) Also, it might be true that many people feel uncomfortable when they are taking public transportation, especially in rush hours. But that does not mean that improving public transportation is emergent and has priority over saving dying patients. If governments decide to invest more in improving public transportation, definitely it will be helpful for resolving traffic problems but we cannot surely say that the quality of our lives would be increased. This is because if we have several health problems, we might not be able to use our social infrastructures effectively, including public transportation service. For example, when MERS, or Middle East Respiratory Syndrome hit all over Korea, people had difficulties in taking public transportation, because they worried incurable disease, that MERS is almost incurable and there might be chances to be affected. I am not arguing that improving public transportation is not important, but as we can see in that example, I believe that concentrating on health problems is more important than focusing on improving public transportation.
In conclusion, developing new medical technologies is so difficult that medical fields need helps from governments. In addition, developing medical technologies is more crucial than improving public transportation. For these reasons, I firmly believe that governments should invest in developing medical technologies rather than in improving public transportation.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-19 | 첫 번째 주장과 두 번째 서술한 목적이 불분명한 문장이 보입니다. 또한 문장 구조 자체가 complex하고 복잡하여 문맥을 상당히 방해하고 있기 때문에 최대한 간결하고 명료하게 나타내주시기 바랍니다.
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