▶ Your Answer :
Opinions maybe divided over whether
watching a movie is better to relax than doing physical exercise. People of
various ages and different walks of life may take diverse positions on this
controversial issue. We cannot deny the fact that appreciating a movie plays an
important role in our lives. Personally, therefore, I can conclude that people
had better watch movies or read books in order to relieve stress.
First of all, watching a movie is a
more reliable in order to relaxing than doing physical activities. This is because
people can enjoy their own past time without other interruptions. Some people
argue that doing exercise helps people relieve stress. They cite a few finding
as the reasons for their assertion. Although their assertions appear to be
valid, they are mostly groundless and fall short of perfection. Moreover, the
following personal observation can reveal that appreciating movies helps people
relieve their stress. For example, my friend Julia has worked at a large-sized
company. Then, she had suffered from severe fatigue and stress because of a
substantial amount of workloads. One day, her boss had gave her a vacation for
seven days. She watched 100 horrible (horror?) movies during vacation because she was a
crazy fan of horrible movies. The fact that she could enjoy watching her
favorite movies made her relieve her stress. After the vacation, she could
concentrate on her works thanks to watching horrible movies. If she had done
physical exercise, she could not have had a her own vacation, and thus could not
have relieved her stress. This situation applies to those who want to relax. They
can relieve their stress by watching movies.
Second, watching a movie is a good choice
to relieve their stress because people do not have to suffer from physical
fatigue. There are many articles which can support my argument. I read an
editorial from the Dong-A Daily News that is related to the topic. It describes
the result of a survey conducted by Seoul National university social science
researchers. 80 percent of them admitted that doing physical exercise gave
people a considerable amount of physical fatigue and stress. As a result, when
people exercised, they rather suffered from serious stress. They went on to say
that watching movies was one of the best ways to relieve their physical stress
and emotional stress at the same time. This clearly shows the importance of
watching movies to relax.
As mentioned above, based on the example of
my friend Julia and the survey conducted by Seoul National university social
science researchers, I can conclude that it is reasonable to relieve stress by
watching a movie than by doing physical exercise.
Good (24–25)
문법과 어휘 좀더 신경 써주세요. 첫번째 본문 중간에 horrible movies가 horror movies를 쓰려고 하신건가요. 첫번째 본문에서 다른 사람의 의견이 groundless하다는 불필요한 내용입니다. moreover 문장도 예시의 도입이므로 불필요합니다. 필요한 문장만 쓰는 연습해주세요. 예시와 내용면에서 잘 쓰셨습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |