▶ Your Answer :
Is a part-time job necessary for teenagers?
Some people think that older teenagers should work at a paid part-time job when
they are not in school, while others do not. Both sides may have their own
reasons to support their view. If I had to choose one, I would say having a
part-time job are beneficial for teenagers. There are several reasons and
examples as follows.
Firstly, working at a part-time job allows
teenagers to enhance their sense of responsibility. They can learn how to
manage time, abide by rules, and play their part. For example, my youngest
sister used to be lazy and selfish. However, once she started working as a
part-timer at café, she changed little by little. She was scolded by a manager
for being late and not following his instructions a few times. After that, she
became punctual and more responsible, realizing that her individual behavior
could negatively affect the whole people working there.
Second, teenagers can learn social skills
by working with others. This is because they interact with many people such as
coworkers and customers on a regular basis and need to cooperate with their
coworkers. For instance, my youngest sister used to be shy and timid. However, another
positive outcome of my sister working at a cafe was that she has become more
sociable. She constantly communicates with various people and make friends
while working closely with coworkers at work. This enabled her to be more
confident in meeting new people and not afraid of making new friends. If she
had not worked at a part-time job, she would not have been able to acquire
these qualities.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the
advantages of teenagers having a part-time job, such as fostering a sense of
responsibility and helping to build social skills far outweigh any
disadvantages of this. Therefore, the importance of experiencing a part-time
job cannot be overestimated in their lives.
예상점수: 24-27 총평: 글도 매우 잘 쓰셨고 이유도 잘 제시해주셨는데 같은 예시를 반복해서 쓰신게 살짝 아쉽네요. 문법적인 문제는 거의 없고 구성, 논리력 다 훌륭합니다. 두번째 예시만 다른 것으로 바꿔서 써주시면 충분히 만점을 받을만한 에세이인 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |