■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : 높은 연봉+free time 없음 vs 자유시간 있지만 전자보다 낮은 임금 어느쪽이 좋을까 |
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어제 올려주신 첨삭을 바탕으로 지난 주에 올린 토픽을 수정해봤습니다.
Some people think that getting a higher income is better than having a spare time for the worker. However, I have a different idea. First of all, the worker can increase their work-efficiency by having a free time. Secondly, they can live a life more happily.
To begin with, by spending free time, they can increase productivity in their workplace. Many workers often feel tired and feel stress from work. This accumulation of stress will affect the negative impact on concentration and efficiency of work. However, if they have a adjust free time, they will manage their stress better by enjoying a hobby. For example, according to research from the University of Maryland, the worker who has an own hobby showed 80% higher ability in managing stress. Since the stress effect on work efficiency and concentration on work directly, people who allowed have a free time to enjoy a hobby could make more high performance in their workplace.
On top of that, free time can make people happier. Many people feel happy when they have a valuable memory and spend a meaningful time. Enjoying a various activity in free time can allow people to opportunity to find their important value. For instance, people can make their life worthily with diverse activity give a happiness even they have short-income. People can enjoy a hobby, devote learning a new knowledge and be interacting with their close people. However, since there a lot of values different from individual, earning affluent money can not ensure happiness. If the people have not right for choosing behavior and spend time because of work, they could not feel any sense of achievement and happiness or other worthy sense.
To sum up, people can concentrate on work better and live happier when they have a free time rather than obtain a lot of money.
In this regard, I agree with the having a free time is more crucial than earning high income for the worker.